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Critical Analysis #2

Autobiography

Essorant
Member Elite

since 2002-08-10

Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada

0 posted 2002-12-06 09:37 PM

I was born dying,
I am dying now, and I
will soon be dead

hush
Senior Member

since 2001-05-27

Posts 1653
Ohio, USA

1 posted 2002-12-07 10:12 AM

*sigh*

This idea is nothing new, and the nihilism therein is very tiring. Furthermore, you haven't really played with it poetically-

It seems to me that you've attempted a haiku syllabic scheme (minus a syllable in the last line). My suggestion is that if you want to tackle a subject like this in this form, make it a metaphor, preferably a nature metaphor, since haikus are supposed to focus on nature. That would add depth to an (in my opinion) terribly overplayed subject, and allow the reader a more visual/sensual subject.

Hope I've helped.

Essorant
Member Elite

since 2002-08-10

Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada

2 posted 2002-12-07 07:55 PM

Thanks Hush.
It was not supposed to be Haiku though; just a free verse threeliner about the exhausted empty feeling standpoint of the poet in me. In a bit of a rut. I might play around with it though to see if it could be something.
Thank you again for stopping by.

Essorant

[This message has been edited by Essorant (12-08-2002 11:17 AM).]

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