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Critical Analysis #2
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Signs
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Signs |
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Kellie_Cantrell Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667New York 
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**Tell me what you think of this** Thanks Forever engraved in my heart Always bringing me away from my destiny I'll always remeber what it was like with out you in my life Now today is gone and forever is in sight now let me grow and let me see the world around me as it is don't shelter me Your sweeter than candy and not really demanding and I want you to give to me signs of courage to move on Let my heart go on to explore the world north and south east or west let me travel past you and come back maybe sometime soon Your sweeter than candy and not really demanding and I want you to give to me signs of courage to move on to Bigger and better things I love you Don't forget that I can see it in your eyes You are loyal I can see signs of courage washing over me |
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| © Copyright 2002 Kellie M. Cantrell - All Rights Reserved | |||
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brianm Junior Member
since 2002-11-22
Posts 16Colorado |
I really liked it. The only thing that struck me as odd was the 'sweeter than candy' reference. You are describing someone you love, yet you compare thier sweetness to candy, which is a complete overload of sugar.  The poem appears to me as this soft vision. I think the candy reference is just to.... intense. Maybe a comparison to something that is naturally sweet would better fit? Of coarse, only you would truely know what works for your work. I really enjoyed reading it. |
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Epicrean Junior Member
since 2002-11-17
Posts 16 |
I thought it came across kindda simple... Some of your versus use the same end ryhme to many times and doesn't let the poem flow... If you tighten it up, express your ideas with more heart and less typical words you will have a great work. Explore the "Sweeter than candy" aspect, I myself think it's a strong use of personafication and hits home, BUT it does feel out of place! EpiC |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
I think the sweeter than candy is more cliche than it is a strong personification. Casey |
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