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Critical Analysis #2
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I Never Retreated
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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I Never Retreated |
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
I never retreated. I always dared to sail a caravel of hope on time's blood-foamed seas and did not cringe at gore-glutted horizons. I constantly seethed fearlessly into dismal realities unfettered and unfathomed by man beast or spirit Triumphantly I probed darknesses and laughed haughtily at the unending nothingness which beckoned malevolently like a siren seeking to entice the accursed or make accursed the enticed. I Never retreated Yet, once facing death's darkness with those whose wicker lamps burned easily but not brightly I cringed in fear as it hunted and devoured them all one by one. [This message has been edited by Radrook (10-27-2002 11:17 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Radrook - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Genuine_Canadian_Man Junior Member
since 2002-10-07
Posts 11Timmins, Ontario, Canada |
I'd like to start off by saying you have written a great poem. Second of all, you should add more to this poem. I would be even better if you added more detail and write it so that it goes deeper into the topic than now. You should also put it in verses...not just one word per line. Use more defined terms as well to give it character. Keep up the inspiring work!  Genuine_Canadian_Man |
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
Hi! Thank you for the feedback. I will try to expand on the theme with more exactness as you have suggested and write it without the one-word lines. Perhaps this was an overreaction to the advice I received about adding line breaks in my other poem about Nazis. So I'll rewrite it and try to have the rewritten version here at least by Sunday. Sooner if I can manage it. Once again thanks for the advice. God bless! BTW This is not to say that I will be able to accomplish the rewrite. Only that I will try my best. [This message has been edited by Radrook (10-26-2002 03:06 AM).] |
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Red Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 143Ca |
Ok, I'm just going to jump in here and get some practice for my critical thinking class, hope you don't mind.lol First, I always look to see how form enhances meaning and in yours, I think that it seems to me like you're trying to say that you really DID retreat from such things as " facing death's darkness" except for a few brief moments when your lines have no spaces.. I could be way off on this but I think that that's what the spaces between the lines and solo words seem to signify to me and if that's true, than I think you should leave them as is. "time's blood-foamed seas and did not cringe at gore-glutted horizons" Great imagery. Loved it!!!! Also, the word Caravels.. did you mean to have it singular? If you want it plural it's caravelles; however, I think (THINK being the key word.lol) that it makes more grammatical sense being singular. I was also wondering if you would be willing to expand on your meaning for me? BTW, I really liked this poem!!! |
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Red Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 143Ca |
Ok, as I keep re-reading this, one other question comes to mind.. does it contain some sort of historical comment? "like a siren seeking to entice the accursed or make accursed the enticed.".. as the spanish did the natives of this land, long long ago...... I really am intrigued by your poem, you could email me and answer some of my questions if you'd rather. |
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
Hi! Sorry about my delay but the site was down for repairs and when I tried to post a reply couldn't. So I saved the reply which took me an hour--searched for it and cannot locate it on my computer. So I will try again. Here goes. Statement: Ok, as I keep re-reading this, one other question comes to mind.. does it contain some sort of historical comment? "like a siren seeking to entice the accursed Response: The reference to caravels is historical. The reference to sirens is mythological. The sirens represent all the temptations which strove to lure Columbus's crew into rebellion against him. The cadavered-filled horizons are the many dangers and threats of a hideous death that most sailors of that age felt when confronted with the vast unknown expanse of the Atlantic Ocean. Columbus began his voyage fearlessly, but undoubtedly stark realities of death due either to sickness, malnutrition, or attacks by Indians must have had a deep impact on his view of himself and life in general. Columbus was a religious man--a devoted Catholic. So the reference to lights which do not burn brightly is an allusion to thiose biblical passages where light and torches represent faith. Thanks for your advice and your interest. God bless! BTW The poem can also be viewed as a commentary on life in general. Columbus's voyage is everyone's voyage through life. The unknown horizons are futures unseen clearly but feared. The sirens are temptations we face and must ignore in order to stay on course toward whatever goal we are striving to reach. The realization that we are not immune from death is something that gradually dawns on us as we age. The disappointment pain in seeing others pass away intensifies this realization and makes us abandon many foolhardy ways. |
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
Statement: First, I always look to see how form enhances meaning and in yours, I think that it seems to me like you're trying to say that you really DID retreat from such things as " facing death's darkness" except for a few brief moments when your lines have no spaces.. I could be way off on this but I think that that's what the spaces between the lines and solo words seem to signify to me and if that's true, than I think you should leave them as is. Response: Actually I was striving for a an emphasis and transitional slowdown and funneling of thought from the intro into the poem's body. But now that you mention it, your perception of this is a very good reason for writing it that way as well. [This message has been edited by Radrook (10-27-2002 11:15 PM).] |
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Red Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 143Ca |
First of all, I'm very happy that you replied to me, thanks!!! I thought I might have stepped on your toes by asking for an elaboration on the meaning, some writers don't like that... they seem to think I need to figure it out on my own.lol I think that you're words only make me appreciate your poem even more!!! Secondly, I found your intentions of the Siren representing something mythological and Columbus etc etc to be very interesting!! I did think of Columbus when I re-read a few times because of the reference to caravelles and the wonderful imagery in the 2nd and third lines but I also think that the lines (which I love btw) "like a siren seeking to entice the accursed or make accursed the enticed." made me think of the siren as perhaps representing the objects and things that that the natives had not seen before and were 'enticed' by... the ignorance of the Europeans thinking that they were 'accursed' because they were different when really they became 'accursed' (died of diseases, were forced into religions and were held captive and other such atrocities) because they were enticed by, and reached out in friendship to, the Europeans. Either way, those lines are very powerful and no matter how interpeted I think it still reflects your greater meaning.... one last time, I will say, I really loved this poem, thanks for sharing it as well as your ideas, I truly appreciate it. |
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
Hi Red! Thanks for responding. No, I am not offended at receiving criticism or suggestions because that is what this forum is for. If indeed I were sensitive that way then I would limit myself to the general posting forum. I really do apreciate any feedback or advice you have to offer so please feel free to give me your opinion on poems I post here. Thanks again! God bless! BTW I just placed a poem: "The Sage" on the general posting forum. It is written in a traditional style. [This message has been edited by Radrook (10-28-2002 12:41 PM).] |
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SimplyGold Senior Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 1453 |
Radrook, Enjoyed this so very much. The exchange with Red was very informative and provided a deeper insight for me. I could sense the speakers profound courage and spirit from this poem and I could also feel the sweat of fear, born of the helpless anticipation of death. Great writing. SimplyGold |
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Rocko Junior Member
since 2014-03-10
Posts 16 |
Thanks Simply Gold. Your feedback is appeciated. |
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