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A home without a wall,
Our haven without ends,
A circle we all call
Our Family of Friends!

navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » Lies
Critical Analysis #2
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Monk Frost I!
Member
since 2008-06-15
Posts 80
0 posted 2009-02-23 12:32 PM

Nothing will change until we realize
We are the body that lies
© Copyright 2009 Terry Ridener - All Rights Reserved
Essorant
Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada
1 posted 2009-02-23 01:34 PM

A little work on meter and syllables may make it flow much better:


Nothing will change until we see
The body lying here is we.  
pontyjim
Junior Member
since 2009-03-06
Posts 40
Ontario, Canada
2 posted 2009-03-06 06:57 PM

I agree, it just has a slight rythmic stumble. Other than that, quite clever.
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navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » Lies

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