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Critical Analysis #2
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Tongue In Cheek Chess
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Tongue In Cheek Chess |
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turtle Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548Harbor 
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Tongue In Cheek Chess From abbey by cobble jarred cart And castle, or bailey they came; Both Frier and Knight to take part, In a game that is not a game. With knowledge that's not learned from books. By chance, or by skill if they could. They castle king, queen, pawns, and rooks, On a board that's made not of wood. By moving with clever rebuke, Too eager to kings tempting bait. An overly daring young Duke, Will lose head if he calls checkmate. For back in those med'eval days, When royal was famous at birth; If heirs erred in less princely ways, They would langiush in caution's mirth. It's caution that's better than fame, And keeping one's head can be good. In a game, that is not a game, On a board that's made not of wood. turtle |
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turtle Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548Harbor |
sorry, I guess I was asking too much. [This message has been edited by turtle (02-12-2009 09:18 PM).] |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Turtle, don’t be so impatient, CA grinds slow. I know the poem is about some medieval royalty , that maybe lost a head. Change the line that says “ “ In a game that is not a game “ change ~ Is not ~ to a contraction . Maybe something like this “Playing a game that isn’t a game.” You have a West Virginia oxymoron there |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
The Magna Carta? |
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turtle Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548Harbor |
Thanks chops. This old poem has many problems. It is just something that I'm currently working on and trying to decide if it's worth saving or not. It has some things I like. Like the mixed trimeter. As the title indicates it is intended to make light of those in a presumed position of power that pass judgment on others based solely on unfounded opinion. The metaphor is supposed to be a day at court, playing chess circa 1215 (The year the Magna Carter was sealed). At any rate, that is what this is supposed to be.S1L4 is an oxymoron and I'm trying to use oxymorons, puns, and satire in the poem for effect. I like that you see S1L4 as an oxymoron, but I don't understand why you think I should change "is not" to isn't? The line would still be an oxymoron? West Virginia? heh Yeah I guess it is a little clumsy. Hi Grinch  Yes the Magna Carter changed the concept of judging based on opinion to judgement based onlaw. Turtle  [This message has been edited by turtle (02-13-2009 09:08 PM).] |
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turtle Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548Harbor |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Yes they are both oxymoron , but for me “Playing a game that isn’t a game.” flows better than “ In a game that is not a game “ I’m still working on the board that is not wood “Playing a game that isn’t a game.” isn’t as oxy. |
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turtle Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548Harbor |
You're right. Quote: “Playing a game that isn’t a game.” isn’t as oxy. But, I want it to be an oxymoron: in a game that is not a game Is a riddle. If a game is not a game, what is it? Head losing, dead serious? I’m still working on the board that is not wood.... lol If a "board" is not made of wood, what else could it possibly be made of? lol I'm gonna have to look this word up in the dictionary and see what else a "board" might be... I'll get back to you in a minuite......  |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
“If a "board" is not made of wood, what else could it possibly be made of? Lol” Oh yes, that ageless question that mankind ask when he slivered out of the primordial ooze, right up there with that chicken and egg thingy .Please answer the riddle, we are expecting great revelation from you. I’ll be right back . |
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turtle Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548Harbor |
Hi chops, Please don't be offended at my kidding, if I'm not kidding you I probably don't like you. This poem is not all that profound. Ideally, I would like the reader to come away from this poem thinking, So what. Nothing has changed and men are still judging others based on their opinion. I don't have expectations that everyone will get this poem and it would be impossible for anyone to know the specifics that it is based on. But, I would like that the reader at least sees that there is more going on here than chess. If a board is not made of wood, what else could it be made of?.... If I wanted a cheap chees board, I might stop by Wal-Mart and buy one made of plastic. That is a board that's not made of wood. You are also a member of this poetry board and that too, is a board that's not made of wood. I don't think they had a Wal-Mart in 1215 Runnymede England, so I'm probably referring to a board that is a group of persons having managerial, supervisory, or investigatory powers. Like (The board of directors). turtle |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Turtle, I won’t take offence or even a garden gate . I understand about the board I thought it was some kind of religious trappings from the crusades or The Magna Carta . |
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turtle Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548Harbor |
Yes you're right and in those days it was the church and the king's court who were doing most of the judging. If the High Lord was a latent homosexual and thought some young squire's pants were too tight and he had too much powder in his wig...His life was in danger. If a church elder didn't like the little old lady that lived next door and he thought she might be a witch....Her life was in danger. The failings of this poem are not the readers, they are mine. I am just trying to figure out why and what I might do about it. |
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Allogenes Junior Member
since 2008-01-16
Posts 35 |
A nice poem, Turtle. At the risk of stating the obvious, I think the obscure historical references would alienate a wider audience. A short prose-explanation before or after the poem might help to allay the confusion, and would probably make it far more enjoyable to the majority of readers. I did spot an out-of-place comma in the last stanza - unless you intended it as a pause: "In a game, that is not a game," Also, "In a game that is not a game," works fine for me. I think it lends the poem a 'madcap' feel. - Allogenes |
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turtle Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548Harbor |
Thanks Al, This is a good and honest critique.  Yeah, this poem has many problems, but I've at least decided to try and fix it. turtle  |
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