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Critical Analysis #2
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turtle
Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548
Harbor

0 posted 2009-02-03 12:16 PM


Minot's Ledge Lighthouse

Through shrouding squalls  far out to sea,
There winks a warning glint by night
That's brightly, pulsing One, Four, Three.  

This granite lighthouse finds no lee,
On Minot's Ledge in Boston Bight,
From shrouding squalls far out to sea.

A twinkling gaze on storm's decree,
Whose signal eases sailors' plight,
Is brightly, pulsing One, Four, Three.

Her beacon probes my humble plea
To point my way past peril's spite,
Through shrouding squalls far out to sea.

To find the arms of lover's glee,
A fresnel lens on distant height
Is brightly, pulsing One, Four, Three.

My dearest darling waits for me.
To find her glow by Lover's Light,
Through shrouding squalls  far out to sea,
That's brightly, pulsing One, Four, Three.

turtle

Notes: Probably a couple word choices that need attention. Chops, this is one that I researched,  

© Copyright 2009 turtle - All Rights Reserved
chopsticks
Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888
The US,
1 posted 2009-02-03 01:21 PM


Turtle, I think that it is very well done.

One question ~ usually a sailor only times the lighthouse when it is dark. ( For example the Diamond Shoals light is a eight second light, so a sailor would tell his relief, the next light is an eight second light) So which of ~one four three~ is the dark seconds. Of course for the poem it doesn’t matter; I just have an orderly mind


I just found this , so the four seconds is dark :

Showing a single flash, the duration of darkness always being greater than that of light. This characteristic or that immediately following is generally adopted for important lights


turtle
Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548
Harbor
2 posted 2009-02-03 02:49 PM


Hi chops,

Interesting, I thought the different patterns of flash (the charateristic) helped the sailor at sea identify which lighthouse he was seeing. I know that this was important when I was off the coast of California near LA and there where so many lighthouses the only way to get a fix was to count the flashes and check the charts....Wait a minute, now that I think of it the duration between flashs is important too. I also know that this system changes depending on where you are.

chopsticks
Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888
The US,
3 posted 2009-02-03 02:57 PM


“ Interesting, I thought the different patterns of flash (the charateristic) helped the sailor at sea identify which lighthouse he was seeing. “

Turtle, you are right. There is no other lighthouse on the  East coast that flashes light and then has eight seconds of  dark.

Speaking of California How you navigate off of California if you are going North and you hear Hawaii music, you tack a little starboard  if you hear dogs barking , you tack a little to port. Going south you just use the reverse.


Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
4 posted 2009-02-03 06:13 PM


I love the villanelle.. I love lighthouses.. and New England.. and I love a nautical theme in poetry.  Easy to please, aren't I?

This one's a keeper, turtle.. Thanks for sharing it here.

Perfect iambic tetrameter, btw..




turtle
Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548
Harbor
5 posted 2009-02-04 01:20 AM


Thanks Nan, The Minot's Ledge Lighthouse has had many poems written about it.

Chops, This is hilarious. Irony can make for some clever poetry. Maybe you should try some tongue in cheek humor.

Hi Synthetic I have to say this :

You are either writing free verse, or rhyme.
If you are writing free verse,
I can’t help you.

If you are writing rhyme,
you got two chances.
You will get a structured expert,
or an art expert.

If you get a structured expert,
I can’t help you.

If you get an art expert,
you got two chances.
You will get someone who knows what they are doing,
or you will get me.

If you get someone that knows what they are doing,
I can’t help you.

If you get me,
you have two chances.
I will refer you to Turtle, or Ocean.


turtle

chopsticks
Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888
The US,
6 posted 2009-02-04 08:26 AM


Thank you Turtle, but only an expert could take a nothing and make it a something.

You took my rambling and made it into something pleasant to the eye

I won’t to make this very clear, I’m talking about Turtle

turtle
Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548
Harbor
7 posted 2009-02-04 01:26 PM


Chops,

These are your words verbatim. I just happened to see the poetry in your words.

Even as a first draft, this is better than most of the free verse I see on these blogs.

Don't sell yourself short.
You've probably been writing good poetry for years.

Turtle

chopsticks
Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888
The US,
8 posted 2009-02-05 09:28 AM


Turtle, Balladeer is my favorite poet , I just read ~ Honky tonk piano man ~and that sent him way over the top , but you made the cut.

When I have read enough of your stuff ....

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
9 posted 2009-02-05 11:26 AM


I know this is critical analysis and I should give some critique...but I can't. I simply enjoyed the immersion you provided as well as googling Minot's Ledge Lighthouse for further insight.

Simply wonderful!

turtle
Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548
Harbor
10 posted 2009-02-05 03:56 PM


Thanks sunshine, regardless of the poem. I too think this is a great story.  

Chops? What are you trying to do to me here? :laugh:

I am not in competion with balladeer. I too think he is a very talented writer. I'm sure his skills and his contribution to this web site far out weigh mine and probably always will. I do have some background in teaching though and can only hope that I may also have something to contribute.

turtle  

[This message has been edited by turtle (02-06-2009 05:44 PM).]

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
11 posted 2009-02-05 04:06 PM


Thank  you, chopstick! You selected on of my favorite poems to mention. I appreciate it..

Turtle, you are right. No one is in competition here. We all have thing to contribute in our own way and you have shown, in a short time, that your contributions, in your poetry and also in your comments and help offerings to others, will make you a valuable asset to the site.

The vilanelle has always been one of my favorite forms and you have done it justice here in a big way...hearty congrats!

chopsticks
Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888
The US,
12 posted 2009-02-05 05:13 PM


Turtle, I wasn’t trying to do anything and I apologies . I may have been touting  the poem I had just read

~ Honky tonk piano man ~

turtle
Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548
Harbor
13 posted 2009-02-06 12:53 PM


Thank you Balladeer.

Chops, no apologies needed. I just couldn't figure out what you were up to, or if there was a point you were making that I didn't understand.

turtle

Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
14 posted 2009-02-07 02:04 AM


First, like the rest, I enjoyed this--though it does have an archaic feel, doesn't it?

Second, I don't understand the first comma here:

quote:
That's brightly, pulsing One, Four, Three.


turtle
Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548
Harbor
15 posted 2009-02-07 12:07 PM


Hi Brad,

You are absolutly right, I'll have to fix that. Thank you

I screw up like anybody else. That's why I prefer to post in a critiquing forum.
,
This does have an archaic feel to it that is meant to reflect the era it was built.

"The last stone was laid at Minot's Ledge on June 29, 1860,"

turtle  

chopsticks
Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888
The US,
16 posted 2009-02-07 12:39 PM


Great find by Brad. After I knew there was maybe something wrong with the comma  I didn‘t figure it  out. I had to ask my sister, the one with the pale legs.  what was wrong and she said , pulsing is a verb.

Was that  it ?

Btw, Turtle your last post on my last poem was outstanding and  very informative, thanks.

turtle
Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548
Harbor
17 posted 2009-02-07 03:34 PM


Yep. Originally the line read:

Pulsing, pulsing one, four, three

meant to reflect a heart beat, but my girlfriend thought it was too erotic and detracted from the rest of the poem. In my consternation and rush to repair, I changed the word, but forgot the punctuation. Good catch, I'm glad you guys spotted it.

turtle

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