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Critical Analysis #2
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Senses & imagery
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Senses & imagery |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
I wrote these two ottava rima stanzas as a "sensual" exercise, trying to bring in the five senses (sight, sound, smell, taste & touch), particularly texture. Also, I've tried to craft soft sound effects (assonance, alliterations and use of soft consonants) that I believe fit the topic. Feedback on these points would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading. Mark ________________________________________________ That morn, we harbored by the leafy oak Where sun had yet to parch fresh dew on grass; Its arching branches the desired cloak Would furnish us, a doss where we’d have brass To draw within its shadow skirt our soke As damselfies accoutred our madras: From there we had renounced lush fields of berries To munch each other’s lips as they’d been cherries. We lay as marl and loess clung to our chests, Our cheeks were still imbued with morning dew, And there I made a banquet of your breasts As you perused my late penned billet-doux; Your dainty hands my back and arms caressed As with your lips you would my nape bedew: Soon conscious that our hearts and flesh were swooning Our eyes agreed it was but the beginning. |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Happy New Years Mark and all the ships at sea , your poem is not exactly my kind of poem ( had to look up ten words and that I believe is a one poem record for me ) However, if it had been my kind of poem, I would have liked it, as you accomplished what you set out to do with the five senses . Btw, I am a very modest person and with all the reason to be so . ( Mark Twain ) |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
Thanks for the feedback Chopsticks, and to take the time to leave a comment even though it was not your kind of poem. And a Happy New Year to you too. Mark |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Mark, please know that your poem could be very good and I think it is. It is just beyond my scope of comprehension . So please don’t keep your day job on my account. |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
LOL. Well, Chopsticks, with poetry and playwrighting, not only I need to keep my day job, I might need to get an evening job as well  But I wouldn't have it otherwise. And believe me, your comments are highly valued here. By the way, as you seem to like ballads, you might enjoy that one: /pip/Forum106/HTML/003080.html Have a marvelous day! Mark |
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