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Critical Analysis #2
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My Reverie
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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My Reverie |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
This poem was inspired by a phenomenon that happens to some of us. It doesn’t always happen to me in my easy chair, it can be on a speeding train, in noisy bumper to bumper traffic or a loud hymn in church. For a glorious time I don’t know or care where I am. Yes Moonbeam, I could be insane . Quite often when the noise is real loud Be it a parade or a thunder cloud And I am resting in my easy chair My mind may roam to I know not where But that is ok and a joy for me For all that time I will be totally free No longer tied to this veil of tears. And answer not to any of my fears But let my thought in clear channel run Back to the time where it all begun Boy and dog strolling a country lane Frolicking in their own refrain Bring on that noise so loud and clear. That I may get the hell out of here |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
I know the feeling, Chopsticks, though I confess that the songs of birds or children at play are more likely to take me there than the din of traffic. "Resting in my easy chair:" an experience that brings no rest to the soul, but rather awakes the wild monkeys that inhabit our ribcage, unless we have sedated them with a good dose of self-pity and soft-streaming tears. "Back to the time where it all begun Boy and dog strolling a country lane Frolicking in their own refrain" I like the image evoked here; I don't know what is it that began then, but it gives me the impression of a painful loss, whether internal or external to the self, or both. I would tighten the meter, I had to reread your lines a few times, trying to get a feel of your rhythm. Yet I would keep the anaPESTS in there, as in the line below: "My mind may roam to I know not where" I think anapest highlights the sudden velocity that takes you "there," gives life to the line, and gains you more sympathy than a heavier, slower line that would indicate self-pitying moroseness. Nicely done. I look forward to reading your next poem  Mark |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
I know the feeling, Chopsticks, though I confess that the songs of birds or children at play are more likely to take me there than the din of traffic. "Resting in my easy chair:" an experience that brings no rest to the soul, but rather awakes the wild monkeys that inhabit our ribcage, unless we have sedated them with a good dose of self-pity and soft-streaming tears. "Back to the time where it all begun Boy and dog strolling a country lane Frolicking in their own refrain" I like the image evoked here; I don't know what is it that began then, but it gives me the impression of a painful loss, whether internal or external to the self, or both. I would tighten the meter, I had to reread your lines a few times, trying to get a feel of your rhythm. Yet I would keep the anaPESTS in there, as in the line below: "My mind may roam to I know not where" I think anapest highlights the sudden velocity that takes you "there," gives life to the line, and gains you more sympathy than a heavier, slower line that would indicate self-pitying moroseness. Nicely done. I look forward to reading your next poem Mark |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Mark, thank you, but you may have missed the content analysis of my poem and you would have to be as dumb as I to understand what I mean . I am a true believer in that if you don’t get my poem it is a hundred percent my fault. The second stanza may not have been right for the rest of the poem as I was distancing myself from the veil of tears and fears and nothing else. But, I like the way you critique . Have a great day. |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
Well, Chopsticks, assuming that I didn't get it at all, yet I have obviously gotten 'something' out of it. It's a fact-of-life that half the poetry experience belongs to the reader...Even though it might not be what you had in mind, if it took the reader somewhere, the poem does have worth. One correction though: I can assure you that I am much dumber than you are I'd love to read what it is exactly you've got in mind. It would be better still to know after seeing what other readers get out of it. That would be good feedback for you, giving you a good idea of what works and what doesn't. Have a marvelous day! Mark |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Mark, I have seniority on who’s the dumbest , as I confessed first. It is the steady hum of a train or city traffic that brings on the hypnotic reverie ( The condition of being lost in thought ). Children at play or a song bird would, I think , bring on a different condition . Here is my concise meaning : Stanza one explaining the phenomenon . Stanza two saying, it is ok to have the phenomenon . Stanza three telling where my thoughts may have been . The couplet saying, I am ready for a trip just now and I’m waiting for transportation . (a loud steady noise ) “ It's a fact-of-life that half the poetry experience belongs to the reader... “ Mark, the statistic above reminds me of another one : If you have one foot in boiling water and one foot in ice water, statistically you are comfortable and that's a fact-of-life . [This message has been edited by chopsticks (12-16-2008 09:36 AM).] |
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