Critical Analysis #2 |
Connections |
longte Member
since 2005-04-06
Posts 199Australia |
We are found or are we dribbling insane parody of coagulating ruin in flickering lighters snare RUSHING through that curl of temptation where hesitation loses In the shadow of the mushroom we bleed or is that PLEAD Knowing yet still uncaring We Fumbled Carefree Wiped the sticky back seat [parents know] sent the result [later; must reach potential first] AWAY to sand and snow and strangers who show they care offering semtex in white fury [or five grams of lead] while we; misunderstanding everything moan about black gold and mortgages craving the blessing of strangers in lost bits and bytes of desolations desperation .. . Live It |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
" While we; misunderstanding everything moan about black gold and mortgages craving the blessing of strangers in lost bits and bytes of desolations desperation" What a great ending for your poem , but so sad for mankind . |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Hmmm, teen angst, I hear. My biggest problem with this is not that, that's not necessarily a bad place to start. No, my biggest problem is that the poem lacks any real movement. That is, I didn't feel propelled by anything here. Still, I think some of the latter images might be interesting in a rewrite. |
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