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Critical Analysis #2
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The prim'd and pale
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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The prim'd and pale |
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Bill Shirnberg Member
since 2007-10-28
Posts 50USA AOK |
I'll wax and wain through seven hells find pearls of wisdom In their shell's |
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| © Copyright 2008 Bill Shirnberg - All Rights Reserved | |||
moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
wain (wn) n. A large open farm wagon. wane? |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Ok Bill let's do the further detail. Apart from the spelling error already noted this piece has other serious problems, and especially when you are writing a poem as short as this you really really need to ensure that every single aspect of it is a perfect as possible or it will instantly spoil the effect for your readers. The title: What is this "prim'd"? Normally in such a position an apostrophe would suggest "ed" i.e. primed. Did you mean that? What am I missing? The pale and the waxing and waning suggest a moon motif which I suppose finds an echo in the shape and colour of a pearl later on. But, kinda, so what? Seven hells: Is this any more than the "I'll have a bad time?" common usage. "Pearls of wisdom": Don't you think that in a short poem like this it would help if you didn't include phrases that are so familiar and overused - dare I mention the "C" word! Shell's: What's with the apostrophe? As well as the above the poem suffers from an inbuilt problem that renders it rather close to nonsense IMHO. The difficulty centres around the word "their" in the last line. "Their" has to refer back to someone or something. But what? There are only two possibilities IMO: "seven hells" - if "their" refers to seven hells then it implies that seven hells have shells? Nonsense? or, "pearls of wisdom" - if "their" refers to pearls of wisdom (or even stretching the syntax just pearls) then we are into the realm of metaphor I presume. Pearls aren't normally ascribed "shells" - oysters yes, but not normally pearls. In any event the way it's written here the suggestion is that the pearls of wisdom will be found in their own shells, which, allowing that they have shells, is kind of self evident isn't it? Rather like saying "find bunny rabbits in their fur". IMO this suffers from the common misconception that it's easier to write short pithy poems than longer ones. It isn't. It's rather like a battle. Each word and line you lose places more weight and responsibility on those that remain - they have to perform heroically; and yours in this poem don't. M |
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cauchy3 Member
since 2008-06-10
Posts 61 |
Waxen wickes and jossy sticks . Will candles give out darker flames |
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Bill Shirnberg Member
since 2007-10-28
Posts 50USA AOK |
Probably should a worked on it more I wrote it in like five minutes and it shows I guess |
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