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Critical Analysis #2

Essay-cauchy3-poem

cauchy3
Member

since 2008-06-10

Posts 61

0 posted 2008-07-10 01:29 PM

Essay¡K
Vocal powers fully revised.
Review a site is simple laws.
Political tables booked licenses.
Related worlds will go so fast.

Supplement able accounts to access.
Bad as morals gods have sites.
Turn your faces and hide your aces.
Swear to bonus are accusing lips.

Chargers dressed by enemies¡¦ bloods.
Swap by laws and there are bigger fools.
Invited by gages but you are supplement able.
Office fawns are softer hard.

Righteous models molded by hearts.
Not a happy gyms but jungle toyed.
Elbows figures figs are earth.
Elbows greases are minds in tops.

Gods to powers half are wits.
Take the gods but sent me rights.
Sigma knows enigma necks.
Leachy girls will down to nets.

Put to best a man defaced.
Go to best a world are silvers.
Less in wording get the least.
Bigger wheelers deal the timers.

Few as wisdoms goods are apply.
All to cat the call are hazed.
Tools are toys and power axis.
All on dogs and go to faces.

Fouls to mounts are kings in forms.
Formatted times will fix our worlds.
Alley cats will drink the boons.
Worlds are cells but bucks are bloods.

Jitters cares are table lists.
Invited worlds related to rich.
Flags have signals sum up passes.
Jokers all seekers are masses.

Leaders rare are gods to act.
Royal flushes are aced to man.
Powers getter goes as babe.
Closing cycles bad are slates.

Jitters cares have table lists.
Spooned the under dogs with spoons.
Rustic seeds will come with skins.
Worlds in ranks will rate as cookies.
-----------Cheung Shun Sang=Cauchy3----------

moonbeam

Member Elite

since 2005-12-24

Posts 2356

1 posted 2008-07-18 04:33 PM

I've been looking at both your work here and on at least one other board for a couple of weeks now, and I've still not reached any clear conclusions, so I thought I might as well say something as nobody else seems inclined to comment substantively.

This was the first of your poems I read, and I have to say I was sorely tempted to stop reading after the unholy metrical mess created by S1L3.  I carried on though, and became increasing convinced that I was into some nonsensical political rant from a novice writer.  Four facets of the writing caught my attention however:

The unusually slavish endstopping.
The even more unusual diction.
The pleasing lack of noun/verb modifiers.
The absence of spelling errors.

With a little online research I established that you've been posting for a good few years, and I read a few more of your offerings, all, it has to be said, in very much the same vein as those posted in CA.

I started to feel after a few more readings very much the same sensations I felt when I first began to read Dylan Thomas's more difficult pieces, viz, that here is a writer on a total ego trip, selfishly prepared to subject his audiences to what, using common measures of comprehensibility, seems complete gibberish.

And yet, where the metrics are regular, especially for instance in your other piece on this board (precise trochaics), the writing takes on an almost hypnotic quality which reminds me a little of ecclesiastical invocations or possibly parts of Psalms.  This in itself would, I think, get unremittingly boring apart from the fact that, as with Thomas, there are occasional pin-pricks of light through the grey fog of nonsense, which keep one in a perpetual state of almost-comprehension.  On top of this the weirdness of the vocabulary is pure Damien Hirst in text, which, even if you hate him, as I do, is at least not boring.  It has to be said that there are passages that pass through the portal of plain weirdness into the realm of the alien, and frankly in those the lines sound like a version of Yoda meets drug crazed half literate oriental teen.  But thankfully there aren't many parts where it sinks that low.

So that's it in brief.  I can't make up my mind whether the "speaker" is a Chinese student practising his wide English vocabulary without too much regard to sense, or a skilful multi lingual poet experimenting with literal translation techniques, or an oriental writer extracting the p*** from the western canon, or Dylan reincarnated as a descendant of Ming, or (if I was President Bush) an oriental subversive sabotaging the west with hypnotic suggestion, or just a poet doing his best to write well in his own peculiar style!

All the best.

M

PS I should make it clear that these comments are directed at, and take account of the content of, both this and your other poem in CA.

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