"The Eye Embrace" - pipTalk Forums

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Critical Analysis #2

"The Eye Embrace"

The Shadow in Blue
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 493
EL, Michigan

0 posted 2008-06-29 06:28 PM

Your honey brown eyes
Embrace my timid soul
Enveloping it in an
Unforeseeable glow

Drawing me into
It’s pillar of strength
It enhances the light
Dancing in my blue eyes

Coyly courting my hand,
The brown pair,
Glinting with mirth,
Gladly entwine with mine

Caressing the flecks
Twinkling in my eyes,
Twin pillars do meet
And thus become one

Stephanos

Member Elite

since 2000-07-31

Posts 3618
Statesboro, GA, USA

1 posted 2008-07-03 12:13 PM

I liked the line about "caressing the flecks". But the last line gave me, unexpectedly and humorously, the impression of seeing someone's eyes meld into one from looking at them too close. Sorry to bring that up, but if it happened with me, it may happen with others, and I don't think that's what you were intending.

Stephen

The Shadow in Blue
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 493
EL, Michigan

2 posted 2008-07-03 11:44 AM

Now that you mention it, I see what you see. Thanks Stephen for the enlightenment.
I'll try to salvage my message later, hopefully without the staring factor.

~Jill

Skippyrick
Member

since 2006-05-16

Posts 150
Rohnert Park

3 posted 2008-07-15 11:35 AM

Hi:

I feel what you are trying to say. and here comes the but: to be the words seem a tittle to simple.

Rik

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