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Critical Analysis #2
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Eyes on fire.
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Eyes on fire. |
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TyroStar Junior Member
since 2007-01-31
Posts 38 |
~Eyes on fire~ Like a flame dancing through the city I burn through my love with you Greens turn to black as a wilting flower I breath in my love with you Again and again for joy we strive We reach for a spark to set us free Pure as a child chasing a dream We reach for what we cannot see It all flies by until we find A second stopped in the face of time Our feet begin leave the ground And so we begin our peaceful climb Eyes on fire you look up at me This is the way things are meant to be Eyes on fire I look up to you Just like this we'll make it through [You may have guessed it, this is a poem about marijuana. I wrote it with my love in mind, of course. Any input would be much appreciated.] |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Star, your poem is authentic maybe even genuine . Your rhyme scheme is all over the page; but with this kind of a poem it may not matter. Who can come with up a rhyme scheme when they are setting out tomato plants.? |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi TyroStar! If you hadn't mentioned it, I never would have guessed that this was a poem about marijuana. It might be a poem about the effects of marijuana in a specific ramble on a heightened sense of loving, but I wouldn't have guessed that either. I think I'd have to ask what is the "marijuananess" about this poem? I don't know, I'm a literal guy. Just me, but I'd start it with something like: "Stoned the the gills, I'm sucking on my love with you." A line like this opens up the possibility of talking about what you are talking about. There is indeed a childlike quality to this. Good dope can do that for you. At the same time, there's a barely hinted at raunchiness which comes with the territory. Might this be addressed? Would this be too hard to get into? The theme seems to have an inherent opportunity to express sensual experience. Maybe, and it's just a maybe, you have a chance to go there. There is a forum on this site for erotic verse. What might happen if you re-expressed this there? Nothing bad, of course, but an opportunity to play harder with what you are saying. Best, Jimbeaux  |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
.“ I wrote it with my love in mind, of course” Of course you did. There is no other substance that we abuse that we have a love affair with like we do with marijuana. I call “ Eyes on fire “ a pot flash, as I would call the red eyes of a person with a hangover as having a “ Budweiser flash “. Your poem described a marijuana lover. I don’t know if you got the knowledge from an interview or if it was first hand, but you nailed it. |
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