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Critical Analysis #2
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Bill Shirnberg
Member
since 2007-10-28
Posts 50
USA AOK
0 posted 2008-06-16 01:51 AM


The words grow parched

The love grows frail and thin

And then on still waters

a dream is born again
© Copyright 2008 Bill Shirnberg - All Rights Reserved
SkaaDee
Member
since 2008-04-07
Posts 116
Canada
1 posted 2008-07-31 11:05 PM

I like the simplicity of this.
It seems haikuish although I don't really know what a haiku is.  

maybe it could be made even simpler to heighten the impact.

"words grow parched,
thinning love grows frail
and then on still waters
a dream is born again "


... I'm afraid that I don't understand the implications of still waters.
I think the poem hinges on that.





RC Langill
Member
since 2008-03-09
Posts 104
2 posted 2008-08-02 12:03 PM

I like the way this says that no matter how dry and lifeless things have become, things can be renewed in quiet ways. Still, I have to agree with SkaaDee. The mixed metaphor, from barren desert to "on still waters", muddles things a bit.
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