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Critical Analysis #2
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White Mist
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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White Mist |
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Match Member
since 2002-07-01
Posts 286Canada Edmonton 
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A man I used to know lies in the soft wet ground auburn leaves burned to ash kiss his dear sweet weathered face. "Are you dead yet?" the little kiddie asks "Not yet touch harder" and with a gasp Life and this world he built crash down hard, Intoxicating fumes infect the childhood, A holy value shattered like glass. Small teared hands buried the cross in the dirt. "Again! Again" he creeps back to her, but she's growing up too fast Fifteen. Sixteen candles end the game. Not even his tears can make her forgive him the same. Lost from faith, salvation soured into mold. She can't even pray. She has never told she was his play, Small teared hands buried the cross in the dirt. A man I used to know, lies bruised and blue in mossy grove His vision fills with shadowed kids running through the white mist, A sweet sunset caresses there milky faces, An innocence he soon hopes to erase. Hope to be there first kiss, molest, take, tastes so sweet. Repeat. Repeat. Repent. Rape me whole, with apple slices as my treat. Faith can fix the most disgusting tricks, "I love you like this" He spits it quick. Resented for her age, The iron anger feeds her rage. Ashamed of all her pain, afraid he drove her spirit insane. Back to the day where small teared hands buried the cross in vain Back to the day where small teared hands buried the cross in the dirt. A man I used to know stands tall with age, white hairs tickle his silky skin. I can not forgive his replayed sin.. Goose egg guilt in my throat bars all words I'd hoped to say I hate him for taking away my will to pray. Eye to eye we stand in icy silence, Tears have crept out through soulless sockets. Triggers pulled in perfect melody, Angels curse to the lord, For he has forgiven his replayed sin.. Left the buried cross in the dirt, 7 years back With all the feelings he ever hurt. -Ash- |
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| © Copyright 2008 Ashley Schell - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Obviously, you have a powerful theme. I won't comment on the actuality here but argue that a more traditional approach might make the poem more powerful on the reader's side. For some reason, I couldn't guess the reason, "The Ballad of Birmingham" comes to mind. You might want to look at that as a model. |
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