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Critical Analysis #2
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12:45
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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12:45 |
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SkaaDee Member
since 2008-04-07
Posts 116Canada |
12:45 the power cut around 12:45, don't know why - flashing clock awaits - tomorrow. this day is fantasy. neon flashing signals anguish - his anguish - but first was his demanding - then warning - reminding - anger - confusion - worry - embarrassment - pleading - pleading - pleading. that moment when factory worker finds pink obsolescence in his mail slot - in my world it is still yesterday, tomorrow will be for clocks. . ************************************* version two *********************************** 12:45 the power cut around 12:45, don't know why. the clock awaits me - tomorrow, tomorrow. this day is for fantasy. sensing the delay, the neon signals his demand - then warning - flashing -flashing - reminding - anger - confusion - worry - embarrassment - flashing -pleading - pleading - pleading. Got him ! it's that moment when factory worker finds pink obsolescence in the mail slot - all that remains of his flashing world is yesterday, tomorrow will again be for clocks - but today.... [This message has been edited by SkaaDee (04-10-2008 11:35 PM).] |
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dwgpoet Member
since 2007-03-05
Posts 122FL, USA |
Hi Scotty, I don't know anything about factory work. What happened after the mail slot check? Was he fired? I like the chopped up flow of the poem, since he had his life chopped up. I just need a little help. copyright dwgpoet 2007 |
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SkaaDee Member
since 2008-04-07
Posts 116Canada |
Hi You know, you are right. When I read this with someone else's eyes I can see the ambiguity. I'm not going to tell you outright what I'm trying to say. I'll tweak a word here and there and see if the meaning becomes clearer. If you would be so kind, let me know after I post a version two. thanks for reading. |
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SkaaDee Member
since 2008-04-07
Posts 116Canada |
here is a slightly cleaned up version. ********************************* 12:45 the power cut around 12:45, don't know why. the clock awaits - tomorrow, tomorrow. this day is fantasy. sensing delay, the neon signals demand - then warning - flashing - flashing - reminding - anger - confusion - worry - embarrassment - flashing - pleading - pleading - pleading. Got him ! it's that moment when factory worker finds pink obsolescence in the mail slot - all that remains of his flashing world is yesterday, tomorrow will again be for clocks - ...but today.... |
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