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Amen!
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Amen! |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
God save me from the religious zealots and fundamentalist mentalists who preach tolerance on my doorstep, plainly intolerant of my disbelief in their mantras and penchants for invisible friends. They can keep dreaming of life ever after, apocalyptic disaster, deities dressed in white and angels with wings. They have my blessing if they’d only stop meddling and stressing the madness in what I disbelieve. |
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Seoulair Senior Member
since 2008-03-27
Posts 807Seoul S.Korea |
A very good cry to God. The frustration of a soul being deeply bothered was well expressed. My door has been knocked many times too. |
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dwgpoet Member
since 2007-03-05
Posts 122FL, USA |
I respect your objection. However, my free speech right from even your government ables me to help neighbors. Millions of drug and other addicts have been converted. Or would you rather, them left to homelessly beg or steal. Thank you, from your local community activist. |
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dwgpoet Member
since 2007-03-05
Posts 122FL, USA |
Amen's Rebuttal! Man blows chance, when irreligious PHD evolutionist scientists who teach theory as fact to my children, dissent decent defense of my belief in their get out the vote fund for blind democracy. They can keep dreaming of state union even after, deevolution's nonstop, SAM leaders dressed in white carry flags and pins. I'll obey their laws if they’d only stop meddling curtailing my freedom in mI community. copyright dwgpoet 2007 |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
Thanks for stressing the madness in what I disbelieve. |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
Well said and Amen! |
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Bill Shirnberg Member
since 2007-10-28
Posts 50USA AOK |
It was a fifteen minute poem I never got to gel our come together. It was written while I was in a bad mood and I got a little defensive. I tried to keep it light hearted though. The next day looking over the poem I don't much care for it either. I just tried to express wanting out of a frustrating situation. As for not liking poetry I suppose thats partly true. I right poems because I am compelled to. I think a lot of people are that way. On occasion looking at what I right makes me feel better about a situation I'm struggling with. I personally think it takes a tremendous amount of persistence and effort to trick words into saying anything at all. And heres my opinion one poetry in general if anyone cares to hear it. I in no way qualified for critique but I think the longer a poem is the less likely it is to have any thing to say. That is anything worth capturing can be caught in a few lines. when I try to read our right long poems they seem to get boring and pointless real quick and the same when I read them. The only exception I can think of is Robert Frost. Don't no why but he seems to be able to maintain my interest. I don't think I've put as much effort into this board as I should have and I'll try to remedy that. |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Will somebody tell Bill he’s in the lady's room . [This message has been edited by chopsticks (03-29-2008 06:28 PM).] |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
All these replies and no critique, maybe I’d do better in open.  |
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Seoulair Senior Member
since 2008-03-27
Posts 807Seoul S.Korea |
Grinch, I went through some if not all of your poems (most of them, I shall say), this is not your poem. It was your rambling. It was nice to let your emotion out in poem-style. You know that you wrote well crafted poems. |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Grinch, you should put Seoulair on your pay roll; because Seoulair has nailed your poem twice saying : “ You know that you wrote well crafted poems.” “ My door has been knocked many times too “ My door has been knocked religiously at least once a week and as long as they don’t damaged my property I can’t do anything about it, not that I want to. Well crafted ,but old hat. ~ Belief always trumps disbelief, because it came first ~ |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
With a bit of luck it’ll get less “old hat” as (or if) I add the other layers, this is only the undercoat, I just wanted to find out if I’ve got the colour right. With regard to the door knockers you must be doing something wrong, I don’t get them anymore. In fact I sometimes wonder whether my door has a Tolkienesque invisible rune symbol warning those of a religious nature that knocking on my door isn’t worth the effort. It probably stems from the occasion three years ago when I invited two religious canvassers in when I was particularly bored and debated the evidence for the existence of deities with them for thee hours. It was probably the first time in their lives that they found themselves uttering the words “well thanks for the chat but we really have to go!” I don’t think they liked me practicing what they preached. There be dragons. |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
“ I invited two religious canvassers in when I was particularly bored and debated the evidence for the existence of deities with them for thee hours.” Grinch, you are a brave man, I would never have debated them when they had me out numbered . |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
I think it would be fascinating as well as educational to follow along as you add the layers you mentioned, Grinch. As it stands right now, though very well penned, it’s pretty much a one dimensional rant. No offense. It would be a wonderful learning experience to watch as you add colors to the undercoat and flesh out the poem. I hope you’ll consider doing just that and allow us to see each revision along the way. Just a thought. |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
God save me from the religious Zealots and fundamentalist Mentalists who preach tolerance At our door hypocritically Intolerant of my disbelief In their mantras and malevolence For invisible friends Peace and love for all men They can keep dreaming of life Ever after the apocalyptic disaster Of fairies and queens Their angels with wings. They have my blessing If they’d only stop meddling And stressing the madness In what I disbelieve --------------------- I thought I'd use a touch of pink, can you see it?  [This message has been edited by Grinch (03-30-2008 07:47 PM).] |
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Seoulair Senior Member
since 2008-03-27
Posts 807Seoul S.Korea |
God save me from the religious Zealots and fundamentalist Mentalists who preach tolerance At my door hypocritically Intolerant of my disbelief In their mantras and malevolence For invisible friends Peace and love for all men Shall I expect you to change those words into symbols? |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
quote: No, I sort of expected you to. |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
"God save me..." Do you pray to God even though you don't believe in him? |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
quote: No, but the narrator in the poem prays because he believes in God, it’d be odd for a priest not to, even a gay one. |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Grinch But how do we know he is a priest or about whom he has affections? |
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dwgpoet Member
since 2007-03-05
Posts 122FL, USA |
Thanks for the Grinch, Thanks. Me thinks it your disluck, these three years, doors unnocked. I've oft been outnumbered up, been tax free church invited when One went to knock them up. Been dogged, sprinklered and rocked. I must confess my luck, "I am lone canVassER, THANKS!" Oh, I should've taught in twos! copyright dwgpoet 2007 |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
Not quite the shade I was expecting, Grinch, but pink is good. Until the janitor gets around to cleaning up aisle three, perhaps you should change the font color to dark purple (which goes so nicely with pink) so we can quickly identify which poems in the comments are really yours? |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
quote: You don’t and it doesn’t have to be a priest either that’s just what I had in mind when I wrote it. You read into it whatever you read into it but I’d wait until it’s finished before deciding, so far I’ve added an undercoat and a single colour, there’s more colours to add, then the highlights and shadows and a final varnish before it’s finished. Jen, I quite like the additions, they at least tell me the undercoat worked but I’ll try to add the green, brown and beige next, maybe the camouflage will confuse them. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
President Bush pardoned the Pope. I've typed some ludicrous stuff in my time, but that one happens to be the truth. It has absolutely nothing to do with this though, but I just thought I'd add my own random comment. (I don't know why that strikes me as amusing, but I do love absurdity.) But to address your poem, I really liked that you tapped into the passion, and utilized irony and sarcasm at full throttle, but I do miss the elegance that is your usual hallmark. I guess I still wanna write like you... ?It's good bones though. (And if you like the first line of my reply, feel free to utilize it, lovie! I wanna see this one dressed up!  |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I'm interested to see where this is gonna go. It's a splendid little exercise. |
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Seoulair Senior Member
since 2008-03-27
Posts 807Seoul S.Korea |
I still don't know how you borrowed a priest's tongue to speak for you! I shall think if any priest would say something like this before you have you turn to say Amen. But it will be more interesting to see that you team with a priest to change the situation. Ha. (meow) Symboled one Oh, save me from the pecking wood, the flame, the blaze, the blasting roof, the flaring window's staining pane that mirrored world of greatly fine On stairs of throat, mahogany fair, Snow steams the trumpet searing air By wrinkled desk on hearth of toad my bleeding organ cries barcode From Walnut floor to whistling pot Freckled hands on tapestry knots Enclosed umbrella floats my home Barilla oars to row my roam A winter water is boiling high to heave the heat to million eyes Burn me not to carbon and press to make mine into diamond knives Barilla: Algerian plant formerly burned to obtain calcium carbonate. [This message has been edited by Seoulair (04-04-2008 12:45 AM).] |
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Seoulair Senior Member
since 2008-03-27
Posts 807Seoul S.Korea |
Hi, Grinch, where are you? I am waiting for your revised poem. and also if mine...like it or not, can you read out the meaning "just don't bother me" ? Wish you well!! |
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Bob K Member Elite
since 2007-11-03
Posts 4208 |
So many people have the right answer and disagree with each other so firmly I feel at times as if I've been struck across the back of my neck by a two by four. When earnest folk come to my door and I have the time I invite them in, offer them a glass of water and listen politely. Often I will agree with them about the wonder of their spiritual position. Truly I am impressed, and I will tell them that I believe that their spiritual tradition is wonderful and that I enjoy it very much and I tell them about some of the other spiritual traditions that I enjoy as well, and about how they seem better in some ways and not so appealing in others. I invite them to consider the range of choices with me and to pray with me for guidance. Usually they have left by this time, and though I encourage them to return none of them has done so more than two or three times. They teach me such interesting things each time. They off me a copy of watchtower to read, or the book of Mormon—both of them interesting publications— and I offer them a chunk from The Book of The Dead or the Tao te Ching and I compare the approaches of the books to the same issues. Almost always these are very sweet people, and very sincere. |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Bob, I would change “ a glass of water “ to "refreshments", other than that I think you have a great reply. |
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dwgpoet Member
since 2007-03-05
Posts 122FL, USA |
I, an Ordained Priest! You can count on it, 9 doors out of ten quoting scriptures When: Count on it ( Six score & ? ) (Genesis 6:3) (Deuteronomy 34:7) (Acts 1:15; 2:1) “Truly I say to you all, look out that nobody misleads you, ” all of you can count on it three times out of four. Sign of times issued of a Halloween sentence. It comes as a thief, but not to Noah’s ark. Let’s sum up the three. “How many years were decreed?” An ark floats. An Egyptian dies. A bush seems to burn. “A god” dies. Let’s sum up the four. “How old was he when he died?” “Not a stone left upon a stone,” Pentecost tongues sound a warning. Let’s sum up the wise. “How many men and women prophesied?” Armageddon comes “like a thief in the night.” Billions die. A great crowd lives. Let’s figure the years. How many are left on after “Nineteen-fourteen?” |
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