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Critical Analysis #2
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| Critical Analysis #2 |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
Hold the ladder tight for me. I want to climb up to throw the black velvet aside and open the sky tonight. I'll push the moon away to nudge the sun back and sweep all the stars into a bag Just to see your smile of long in hiding [This message has been edited by TomMark (12-13-2007 12:56 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2007 TomMark - All Rights Reserved | |||
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Thank you TomToo, I didn't know that page existed, its in my favorite’s now. |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
My dear Chops, I changed my mind. I love my own poem better than anything.  Tomtoo [This message has been edited by TomMark (12-13-2007 11:36 AM).] |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
"My dear Chops, I changed my mind. I love my own poem better than anything." My dearest TomToo, read one of your poems and then say, I didn't mean it. |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
Have I ever disagree with you, Chops? no.  |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Tom: More importantly, I hope SHE liked it. This is a nice, compact poem. Concise (and if that isn't a lost art, nothing is). My only nit is over the last line. I guess "of long in hiding" seems like an awkward phrase to me, and not one I'd expect to hear in such a profession. I don't know ... I tried to think of some other way to say it, but couldn't come up with anything that would do the rest of the poem justice. I like how you framed these thoughts. Very, very interesting. Jim |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
“ I tried to think of some other way to say it “ Jim, sometime we should forget about E=MC2 and just listen to the soul of the poet. I listen to the Tomster’s equation T=LWA ( Truth = love and wisdom aged) There is no substitute for what the Tomster gives us, even when he’s a little ornery. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
quote: If that's what TomMark wants, then I'd be more than happy to forget the formula. Poetry is expression through an audible medium - my guess is he wants suggestions on how he can do his complex feelings justice with words (always a slippery undertaking). Or perhaps I'm projecting my reason for posting here on TomMark. All that said, I'm no expert at this thing called poetry either. I like the poem and appreciate the creativity in conveying the message. This and the poem about the moon are two examples of why I'm glad he's posting his work here. Jim |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Jim I am sure Tom is interested in advancing his poetry ability . He writes about the syllable count and things of that nature quite often . I said, SOMETIME we should just listen to the soul of the poet, his genius for word selection with his accent . If we took his word selection and accent away, he’s just another Chopsticks . |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
thank you very much JimB and Chops. And Dear JimB , don't mention SHE. SHE is a crazy child whom I don't allow to grow up though she drives me and many crazy too. [This message has been edited by TomMark (01-13-2008 07:38 PM).] |
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