a Postmodern Sonnet: "a badness not to be believed"

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Critical Analysis #2

a Postmodern Sonnet: "a badness not to be believed"

Yejun
Junior Member

since 2007-11-21

Posts 49

0 posted 2007-12-05 05:48 PM

Octet:

Offense is a matter of thinking
Which never occurs when you're drinking
so why all the fights
with the fun and delights
when your brain is progressively shrinking?

The girls were a little bit touchy
or the air was a little bit musky
I talked of a bed
she said, "drop dead."
So maybe I'm a little bit rusty.

Sestet:

I wanted her to see my new bedding
And after that we would be shedding
But lost in the fold,
I think I'm too old,
I couldn't get past her new teddy.

I think I had a bad pint last night
Because my head just doesn't feel right
So tell me again
was it Jenny or Jane,
And will you still wear wedding white?

Final couplet:

And then when you called me a thing,
I didn't think it had much of a ring
But all things considered
I'm not really embittered,
I'm gonna play in a J. Alba scene.

chopsticks
Senior Member

since 2007-10-02

Posts 888
The US,

1 posted 2007-12-06 08:35 AM

Yejun, this may be the start of the funny era at CA.

Anybody that dosen't smile at this one needs to see their doctor at once

I know I am here to critique , so here goes :

In the second line of the second sestet I would put “just” between “feel right” and maybe drop the

“because.”

Here is what I wanted to say :
"my head doesn't feel just right"

However, that is just MHO I haven’t been sworn in as an expert yet, I don’t know what's holding things up .

TomMark
Member Elite

since 2007-07-27

Posts 2133
LA,CA

2 posted 2007-12-06 10:59 AM

This shall be called a Junnet.

"Offense is a matter of thinking
Which never occurs when you're drinking
so why all the fights
with the fun and delights
when your brain is progressively shrinking?"

This is a philosophical poem. so I shall not count the beat and ignore the style but read the content.

I shall say that To stop our brain from shringing, we need to initiate fight just as when a country want to stop the shrinking interests of of the global property. A good offense needs clear thought.

Tomtoo

oceanvu2
Senior Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA

3 posted 2007-12-08 01:53 PM

junnet(n): a neologism coined by TomMark to describe a set of limericks expanding on a theme; syn: funny!

Best, Jim

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