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Japanese Milk
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Japanese Milk |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
When I lived in Japan, Milk tasted like an unfinished parabola. In order to explain this, Let me put you in the story: You raise the carton to your mouth, The first drop touches your lips, And you feel a shiver as if someone Used an icepick to scratch your back. Thick on your tongue, the liquid melts down its sides To the back near your tonsils And you don't swallow so much as gulp -- Not surprisingly, the small amount offered From one container is gone before You know the taste of that first seduction. This forces you to reach for one more And images of William S. Hart pass by As you make a belt with two holsters. It becomes natural like smoking a cigarette Or squatting on a toilet or sweating in a kimono. You are proud because it's healthy, and women Begin to notice those subtle changes that come, That only come from a routine diet of vitamin D. You slick your hair back forgetting whether you Used gel or unconsciously one of those containers Because people start saying you smell like butter; Then you trip over your cowboy boots. It's a long slide down from there, folks, To return to a sense of normalcy And you're always a little confused: Are you now permanently addicted, Or have you finally become intolerant To a lactose culture? |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Why do I get the feeling this is one of those things that read more charmingly in another langugage? And it's difficult for me to critque form without knowing if you are going for one, but I love the message! I wish you could see the smile on my face, because I could have used this analogy the other night, because what came out was veru close to this: "You know the taste of that first seduction. This forces you to reach for one more And images of William S. Hart pass by As you make a belt with two holsters." Except, um, I was talking to a crackhead who asked me how I just managed to sit in a crackhouse all night and not partake. And that's pretty much what I told him. (I knew that crack teases you with the idea of "feeling the first time" all over again, and it's a lie. There is only one first time for anything. So I found myself nodding to that along with the rest.) I enjoyed the view through your eyes, butI found myself wondering of your inpsiration.  Indulge me please? |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Brad You’re always challenging - never transparent, always on the edge of understanding and reason, never quite opaque. In short readable but sometimes unsatisfying (perhaps like the milk). As usual I have to admit straight out that I haven’t much of a clue as to the underlying metaphor here - if indeed there is one at all, which is a distinct possibility. Whether the experience with “milk” is intended to illuminate some obscure facet of oriental life which grabs and holds the unwary westerner, or whether it’s just an image meant to make some wider generic point about the dangers of something or other, or whether we are delving into the mysteries of weaning, or again whether you intended us to swallow just milk, these remain, for me, a series of delightfully milky (as opposed to clear) possibilities. All I can really do here I think is wander my way down the poem making a few observations along the way so, bearing in mind the above, please treat the rest of this with suspicion and ignore the obvious idiocies, of which I am sure there will be many. Eventually some sort of clarity might emerge, you never know! The Title? Humm. Here I am Googling already - wondering what I missed. (Aside note for those of a sensitive disposition: Don’t Google Brad’s Title). “When I lived in Japan, Milk tasted like an unfinished parabola.” Pretty good opening. Certainly a very unusual image. In fact so unusual I’m almost struggling to handle it. Sensory mixes like that are always hard for me to accept except by rationalising them into some kind of logical relationship. So here I am already thinking: inverted breast, cup, saucer, bowl - all of course “receptacles”. And then I'm thinking: “no way”: there’s something here which is saying “unfinished perfection” - the not-quite-thereness of life. And I’m thinking also, wondering in fact, if the milk tastes so, because of the fact of the S being in Japan or because the milk itself, being Japanese, is different. Because it IS different, or perceived to be so, that much is clear, and pretty much only that much so far. Ho hum, on we go. “In order to explain this, Let me put you in the story:” Maybe a tad pedestrian Brad. Do we really need this? Does it presage the sudden movement into the wild west later (story) or would a simple “So” do? It’s certainly a bit of a let down after L2. But then you are good at up and downs, and perhaps the ups wouldn’t be so up if the downs weren’t so down, or something. “You raise the carton to your mouth, The first drop touches your lips, And you feel a shiver as if someone Used an icepick to scratch your back.” This level of detail is screaming “metaphor”, but other than some boring addict thingy I’m struggling - and if it was as general as that you’d not have bothered with the Japanese connection. Right now I’m going for some sort of “oriental” seduction, or something that happened to the S while in “Japan” or changed him/her. Nice sounds and shivering image in L8. “Thick on your tongue, the liquid melts down its sides To the back near your tonsils” I keep reading this passage and I can’t make up my mind whether the pleasantly liquid sonics in the first line make up for the fact that it’s starting to read like a medical encyclopaedia. The syntax comes off as every so slightly strained too; “its” is too far separated from "tongue" with "liquid" in between which makes for confusion. Also, I’m no grammarian, but if the “its” refers to “your tongue” then the substitution is “your tongue’s”. Also, I’m not sure about “melts” - picks up on “ice” I suppose, but I’m ambivalent about “liquid melting”. Finally, “the back near” seems redundant. “Tonsils” ARE near the back, do you need to tell us twice? “And you don't swallow so much as gulp -- Not surprisingly, the small amount offered” “Not surprisingly” is clunky in the extreme. And anyway, at this stage of the poem it may very well be surprising, you haven’t established sufficient background to make that statement imho. “From one container is gone before You know the taste of that first seduction. This forces you to reach for one more And images of William S. Hart pass by As you make a belt with two holsters.” Ok this is where it gets interesting. “Forces” introduces a note of the sinister. Something (addiction) is compelling this, on the surface, healthy, but potentially destructive, activity? And now this old cowboy geezer enters in a sudden leap of movement which, while it is fascinating, is also, to this reader, baffling. There’s the Milky Bar Kid of course, so cowboys and milk are a very “natural” pairing ~splutter~, but no doubt I’m missing some nugget of American folklore or history as usual. “It becomes natural like smoking a cigarette Or squatting on a toilet or sweating in a kimono.” All deliberately horrible images for these similes. This really ain’t a good deal is it. “You are proud because it's healthy, and women Begin to notice those subtle changes that come, That only come from a routine diet of vitamin D.” So you’re da MAN!! - a testosterone brimming hard western gunslinger. So why the very stark juxtaposition of the east with the west? More mysteries. “You slick your hair back forgetting whether you Used gel or unconsciously one of those containers Because people start saying you smell like butter;” “or unconsciously one of those containers” is so vague and clunky that it really destroys this passage. I’m no doubt missing something but right now all I can think of is that you mean some plastic butter or margarine container. I mean, what are you doing here Brad! “Then you trip over your cowboy boots.” Good grief. Clarity! “It's a long slide down from there, folks,” “Folks” doesn’t sit well with the “you” the S has been addressing through the rest of the poem. “To return to a sense of normalcy” “Normalcy” is a vile word and in such an important place too. If it’s that important to spell out where the “you” is returning to I’d try and avoid vagueness. Otherwise I’d maybe think about losing the line altogether. “And you're always a little confused: Are you now permanently addicted, Or have you finally become intolerant to a lactose culture?” So finally we get to see the “a” word. Humm. And “intolerant to” sounds weird, even if grammatically correct, to my ear; “intolerant of” sounds better. So what have we got? An S who was in a strange land or place, and who experienced an unhealthy addiction who now insists in dragging his reader into that same place. There are hints here of the S taking the reader there in order to provide an instructive lesson based upon his own (the S’s) experience. There’s a sip, then a gulp, then a raging ego-inflated round of gun slinging . A shooting off, mouthing off even, in all directions. There’s the preening for the ladies and the eventual, nay inevitable, trip over the said milk inflated ego! Then the confusion. Stranger in strange place, sipping, liking, gulping, slipping up. Broad metaphor Brad. Could apply to the new kid in town sampling the heady delights of fighting the bucolic locals, or even the new critic on the boards shooting her/his words all round the place and ending on the boards! Instructive, prosey, interesting and occasionally even memorable in parts. Thanks for this. M [This message has been edited by moonbeam (10-11-2006 03:44 PM).] |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Brad, Hi...been a while. I think the "Japanese milk", and the extended metaphor is very good, and this piece is, at times, very comedic. I do agree, however, that the first stanza should be changed...it is too prosey. Kris "It is wisdom to know others; |
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Ryan Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 297Kansas |
Ha...what was my least favorite line 6 years ago is now my favorite. It's like a ball sliding around on the parabola never reaching equilibrium, always too much or too little, always unbalanced. is the parabola under construction, can it (will it) be finished? or is it done? |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
You know I had an uneasy feeling about this. It's that darned deja vu again! Similies eh Brad. Humm. I certainly prefer "unfinished" to "asymmetrical". Welcome back Ryan, it's great to see you. M |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Inspiration: the first time I drank milk in Japan. It tastes different. I am told though I don't know for sure that it is unhomogenized. Couple other points for fun: I went to school in the W.S.Hart school district. The picture I was thinking of, however, is on the cover of "Forget Baudrillard?". I'm pretty sure you can see it at Amazon. When the first Europeans came to Japan (Portuguese if I'm not mistaken), the Japanese often said that they smelled like 'butter' - because they ate a lot of butter I guess. Is it unfinished? Is it finished? Honestly, I don't know. PS I may try to put up some new stuff but the only way I can do that is by putting the drafts up as I write them. I don't have the time to really work on stuff these days. I miss that. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Well, it's good to see you back writing anyway Brad. Glad you can squeeze out just a little time. |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
First time I’ve read your work Brad and I throughly enjoyed the way you let one idea/ image spin into another. What came to mind when reading your icepick line was the first and only time I tried buttermilk. Would take more than a couple of six shooters to get me to try it again so maybe I’ll take a pass on Japanese milk. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Karen, Did you find the first bit jarring? The intent, if I remember correctly, was to be 'prosey' but not so much that it destracts from the idea. |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I like this, especially the parabola line... I also don't find the imagery terribly problematic- like a kid gone crazy on candy, this guy is crazy on milk, but more, it seems, the new culture. Especially amused by "squatting" on the toilet- are toilets shorter there? One thing- before I read your comment, I was guessing the way milk was different in Japan was possibly that it is soy milk- based on the intolerance to the lactose culture. Not sure if that's what you wanted... |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
very well written. How an ignorant illusion physically changed one's sense and common sense as well. A typical Super American Culture: except all I have experienced during growth, others are merely jokes to me.  |
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