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Lily B
Member

since 2000-03-31

Posts 91
Auburn, IN, US

0 posted 2002-01-27 09:00 PM

NOTE: semi-colons replaced with .... ellipses
*********************

What is Past is Prologue

I spied on a fat-bellied woman one day at the market,
while shopping for coffee and frozen concoctions for one.
Her children were tumbling behind her like chicks in a barnyard
and ruffling her feathers with giggles and boredom-bred fun.

She scolded and scowled in their saucer-eyed faces while pointing...
her finger and tongue boasted wagging she'd practiced before.
Her words were like hammers to china... each blow chipping magic
and wonder of childhood from three little hearts on that floor.

I don't know which chill was the hardest to bear as I stood there
between metal freezers and tragic, familiar shame...
I shuddered in horror as memories rose to remind me:
my own children suffered when I dealt them similar pain.

And thus I awake, in the shroud of my darkened apartment
each morn, cursing sleep and the metaphor-dreams that it breeds.
I once read the phrase (or the title?) "What's past is now prologue".
I know that my history's scab is now open, and bleeds.

*******************

(c) Julie Remke, 2002

[This message has been edited by Lily B (01-27-2002 09:01 PM).]

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

1 posted 2002-01-28 10:26 AM

Hi Julie,

I like this. It flows nicely. It seems a little whimsical but can also be taken more seriously. Nice job.

Thanks,
Pete

hush
Senior Member

since 2001-05-27

Posts 1653
Ohio, USA

2 posted 2002-01-28 11:11 PM

I like this, I think it's very interesting. You pulled me in with long rhyming lines, a style I usually don't care too much for. Neat poem.

"Maybe you don't like your job
maybe you didn't get enough sleep.
Well nobody likes their job;
nobody got enought sleep."

Lily B
Member

since 2000-03-31

Posts 91
Auburn, IN, US

3 posted 2002-01-29 07:19 AM

Thanks, Pete and Hush, for taking the time to comment. I appreciate the feedback.

I posted this in another (highly critical) forum and am now aware of some its flaws. I may eventually post the revision when I get it done.

I'm glad you like it!
Thank you, again...

~Julie~

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

4 posted 2002-01-29 08:24 PM

it's specific, draws the reader in, this is great, Lily. I see nothing wrong!

Kathleen--(Kay)
"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass, and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee

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