navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » tears for the homeless
Critical Analysis #2
Post A Reply Post New Topic tears for the homeless Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
openmind
Junior Member
since 2007-11-05
Posts 12


0 posted 2007-11-05 02:22 PM



My feet are so cold I haven't worn shoes in weeks
I'm so weary and tired, I have nowhere to sleep
This jacket isn't keeping me warm, I've had it since the war
NO money to spend, should I just rob this store?
My hands are frostbit, these gloves aren't doing the job
I'm starting to lose my mind, Is my name Jim Or Bob?
This raggedy hat is worn out, my head and ears are froze
My whole face is numb, I cant even feel my nose
The government got me into this, why cant they get me out
Before I went to war, my life was filled with clout
So I will just sit here with the cart full of old clothes
When will I die? who cares and who knows
I've lost all hope and feel forever hopeless
Because nobody cares to stop and help the homeless..


© Copyright 2007 openmind - All Rights Reserved
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
1 posted 2007-11-05 05:05 PM


Openmind,

Welcome. Uh, first, we need you to turn on 'accepts constructive critiques' thing in your profile. You just need to go back to that page (you filled it out when you registered) and do that before we can talk about your poem.

Second, this is a slow moving forum. Yes, some of the rules can be bent a little (double posting and whatnot), but I'm not sure posting three poems consecutively is in your best interest. We'll tend to concentrate on one and neglect the others.

Good luck!

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » tears for the homeless

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary