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Critical Analysis #2
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Jacaranda
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Jacaranda |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Jacaranda Jacaranda petals fall, Blue powder snow Where jacarandas grow. Where blue jacarandas grow, Bauhinias show purple Where Bauhinias grow. Saint John’s Fire flowers Cluster red on sky Above the blues below. And where the Saint John’s Fire blooms It shades to smoke The saffron dust Albizzias throw. |
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| © Copyright 2007 Jim Aitken - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Bronzeage Member
since 2007-07-20
Posts 197 |
This is an interesting construction. I think it would work better if you kept the pattern of the first stanza consistant through the 2nd, 3rd and 4th to paint a landscape, where the image of one plant leads to the next. Repeating the last line as the first of the next stanza gives a nursery rhyme cadence, but it can work if the images read and flow smoothly. |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Thank you for looking at this and your comments, Bronzeage. If you look again, none of the lines repeat, which doesn't negate your impression. Best, Jim  [This message has been edited by oceanvu2 (11-05-2007 08:00 PM).] |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
wow, this is beautiful. Tom |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
Yes, I have to agree. A beautiful poem. I know this is not "critique", but sometimes you don't want to change anything. Stephen. |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
TomMark and Stephan: Thank you! Best, Jim |
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