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chopsticks
Senior Member

since 2007-10-02

Posts 888
The US,

0 posted 2007-10-03 10:12 AM

Should I know ?

I know that you wouldn’t, be the way that you are.
If you could be any different.
I know why you march to the beat that you do.
You do not know that you shouldn’t .

I shall not judge your mysterious ways.
I am not there in your present.
If I judged you, I’d be wrong.
I will not do that , because I shouldn’t.

I hope this is allowed:

I know that you wouldn’t,
be the way that you are.
If you could
be any way different.

I know why you march
to the beat that you do.
You do not know
that you shouldn’t .

I shall not judge
your mysterious ways.
I am not there
in your present.

If I judged you,
I would be wrong.
I will not do that
cause I shouldn’t.

[This message has been edited by chopsticks (10-03-2007 10:50 PM).]

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 2007-10-03 10:29 AM

Hi.

You don't have you're 'accepts constructive critiques' thingey on. Before we can talk about the poem, it would help if you turned that on.

Also, if you could tell us a little bit about yourself. It doesn't have to be personal, just something about you and poetry would be fine.

We don't want to offend anybody so before we say anything, we need to know if you posted in the right place.

It helps us, believe me.

-----
Yes, this is just a copy and paste opening comment. But I'm trying new things to avoid the mistakes of the past.

chopsticks
Senior Member

since 2007-10-02

Posts 888
The US,

2 posted 2007-10-03 11:19 AM

Hi Brad, I don’t know where the “'accepts constructive critiques' thingy “ is ; but I will try to find it.

I am a senior male, I have been writing bad poetry for awhile. I gave a copy of this poem to the person that inspired it, he didn’t think much of it.

You can not offend me.

Did I post in the wrong place ?

I hope this helps.

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

3 posted 2007-10-03 11:28 AM

If you can't be offended, you've probably posted in the right place.

As far as the 'accepts constructive critiques' it's a little box in your profile. You need to check it and add a little comment. It'll show up on the screen when someone responds.

I'll get back to your poem later.

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

4 posted 2007-10-03 06:26 PM

Your first two strophes make a judgement, the second two state that you aren't going to do that.

We neither know the cause of the judgement nor the reason for it.

This along with the mysteries/mysterious, cause/'cause play leads me to believe that this is part of a longer, dramatic poem.

Let's see the rest.

chopsticks
Senior Member

since 2007-10-02

Posts 888
The US,

5 posted 2007-10-03 10:20 PM

Thanks Brad, great critique, I know the rest of the story. I guess, I thought everybody had a similar story. Maybe they do if they knew the rest of my story. I am going to work on it; but I don‘t think I am good enough to pull it off.,, I’m a sixty minute man.

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

6 posted 2007-10-03 10:46 PM

I don't know what 'good enough' means here -- Well, okay, I get it. I'm not good enough to do many things.

But sixty minutes a day -- over a few weeks perhaps -- seems like enough time to pull something off. Just show us what you come up with.

Or try something new.

chopsticks
Senior Member

since 2007-10-02

Posts 888
The US,

7 posted 2007-10-03 11:05 PM

Thanks again Brad. I will try something new. “ Should I know ? “ is forty-two years long .

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