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Critical Analysis #2
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The ceiling runs down the walls like troubled sheep
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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The ceiling runs down the walls like troubled sheep |
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Edward Grim Senior Member
since 2005-12-18
Posts 1154Greenville, South Carolina 
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I'm posting this in here upon request. So don't rip it up too much, heh. Ah, I'm just kidding, have at it. The ceiling runs down the walls like troubled sheep Dog farms re-releasing shorthaired animals to better suit the rumpled cases of awful textures: like furlong metric systems and noises emitting sounds similar to backwashed liquids lapped up by pathetic engineers of anxiety, concern, and fretfulness. Simpleminded composers, writing music too elaborate and politically boisterous to save the paper where the pen patted itself on the back for deciding to detach itself from an ill-wanted lover: an unattainable woman with too many shades of shadows to make sense of any determining silhouette or body mass as a means of identification. Rockets to the Earth! Folks from diverse sources squeeze their hands tightly in anticipation of a new discovery, of some planet they’ve been living on for too many years to call a decent shack on the beach. They wait… for something new, defying Einstein’s advice about insanity and doing the same ol’ thing o’er and over, waiting for that change to turn your eighty- seven cents into a whole dollar. I am not the human I wish to be! Because there’s nothing left to figure out or locate. There’s no room for the uselessly misplaced imbeciles. There’s no place for placemats on that kitchen table where a woman, fed up with her Buffalo, decided to give in to her numerous and elaborate feelings of fear, dread and ceaseless trepidations and take the life of the man she loved: he who was man enough to supply her with those thoughts of infinite sadness. "Well I wish that you would cheat with someone, 'cause you're like diggin' holes in water and we know that can't be done." |
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| © Copyright 2007 Edward Grant - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I asked this to be posted here because, well, I like it. Great images but what intrigues me more is the sheer relentless phrasing. Just when normal people would probably end a sentence this one keeps going -- Living Colour (Vernon Reid) or Led Zeppelin (Jimmy Page)used to do solos like this and I always loved that. And even though the people all seem generalized here, I found myself interested in them. I think there's some interesting things to talk about here: I'll try to get into it more later but the title -- the switch from the singular ceiling to the plural sheep created a strange, surreal moment for me. And that's just the beginning. Plenty of other stuff to talk about here. Some good, some not.  |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Sorry, have to add one more thing. This popped into my head yesterday and it completely slipped my mind when I was writing the above. It's a kind of "Lonely People" for the new century. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I loved it then and love it now!  Why? Because I can freakin' relate? (Is that enough?)  |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
Too surreal for me, over all. Poems like this remind me of insanity (or drug induced psychosis). And the alleged connection between genius and insanity, I doubt very much. Not saying there's not a striking image here and there. But when everything borders on bizarre, then nothing is particularly striking for that reason. Just my opinion. Stephen |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
You make an important aesthetic point, Stephen, but I don't think it, necessarily, applies here. And if I can find an hour of free time I'll try to show why. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I don't think the drug issue applies here at all. Salvadore Dali slept with a sketch pad so he could capture images of the subconcious... I don't believe the subconscious can be avoided in art. (Oh let's forget the lofty expression of "art" and replace that with "self-expression".) I think that what we don't say is as obvious as what we do...it's kinda like emotional silk-screen?  runnin' nekkid serenity  |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Karen, You're right. But if we look at the other two sentences: quote: I agree with this. quote: And here as well. I take this to mean the difference between a purple dot on a white sheet of paper and a purple dot on a purple sheet of paper. I just don't think it applies with this one. But then again, maybe I'm being just a bit too agreeable today. It does happen. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
It has been a very indefinite day...   sigh |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
Yeah Brad, I could be hasty in my judgment. But I don't like to have to hunt too hard for poetic merit. It kind of has to grab me somewhat, ere I even want to read it multiple times. Surrealism (as a movement, or a defining character) just doesn't. Though I'm not against using the surreal as a poetic device. Stephen |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
No argument here. The difference is that it did 'grab' me. |
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Edward Grim Senior Member
since 2005-12-18
Posts 1154Greenville, South Carolina |
Wow, I'm surprised at how much attention this is getting. I'm glad it "grabbed" you Brad (and Karen ). It's cool Steph, I know you're not really into this type of poetry, I appreciate your opinion. As for the drug thing, you all know I'm not a user. It's never been my intention to give the impression that I take drugs but my poetry seems to incite the subject. Although I have had my fair share of brushes with "mental instability." I had insomnia for 4+ years in my youth (which has ceased only about a year ago after much therapy). During those waking years, I went through some weird things that heavily influenced my writing. And since I've been getting more sleep, my dreams have intensified greatly to a point where I frequently hallucinate, which in turn has intensified my paranoia. So when a poem of mine reads like a drug trip, it's just a product of my sleepless youth and my paranoia-induced concerns. That is actually, what this poem is about: paranoia and needless fear. Karen is %1000 right, the subconscious most certainly cannot be avoided in art, unfortunately. The title, obviously, is just a fancy way of saying the roof is collapsing on top of me. My constant use of surrealism in my work is a combination of my efforts and my involuntary style. In other words, I do try to use word combinations and images that are surreal but most of the time, that is just how I feel; and the way it hits the paper is the way it pours out of my head. "But I don't like to have to hunt too hard for poetic merit." I can definitely see your point, Steph. I've actually been working on trying to write with less ambiguity and vagueness and try to be clearer in what I want to say. But alas, I can't change what comes natural to me. Thanks for all the thoughts, guys. "Well I wish that you would cheat with someone, 'cause you're like diggin' holes in water and we know that can't be done." |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
quote: Well, Ed, whether you like it or not, the title goes further than 'fancy'. I've already mentioned the shift from singular to plural, but what you have are bugs or bug-sized Immediately, you have two things happening here: our fear of insects combined with an inferred wolf/sheep comparison. I think this works well as it applies both fear of the masses and disdain for them at the same time. It is a comic and horrifying scene at the same time . quote: This could probably be cleaned up a little (anxiety, concern, and fretfulness -- what's the difference here?), but I see old people, probably rather well off, with show dogs. Other than a certain repetitiveness, I don't see anything here that contradicts that. For example, furlong metric system means an archaic measuring system and yet the 'metric ' system is still seen as new to American and , I believe, English English speakers. quote: I think 'itself' should probably become 'it' -- the image of picking up and putting down the pen on paper is clearer then. Scene: With music playing in the background, a man is writing to a woman that he can't understand. Ed's descriptions capture much more. The first two parts show a group of people and an individual respectively. More later. [This message has been edited by Brad (10-01-2007 11:54 PM).] |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
quote: A very gracious reply Ed. Your stuff may grow on me yet. Stephen |
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Edward Grim Senior Member
since 2005-12-18
Posts 1154Greenville, South Carolina |
Brad, quote: I know that's a tad repetitive but when I wrote it with "anxiety" alone, it didn't sound right. quote: It just sounds incomplete, imo. Maybe I can choose some different words that aren't so similar in meaning. You notice I did it in the last stanza as well: quote: My rationalization of it is that the repetitiveness adds a sense of ceaselessness with these problems; that by repeating it, it hints that the issues are completely unremitting. I've been up in the air with this. I'd like to reword it without the repetitiveness but keep the same message. Thanks Brad ____________________________ Steph, "Your stuff may grow on me yet." I suppose weirder things have happened, haha. Thanks Steph "Well I wish that you would cheat with someone, 'cause you're like diggin' holes in water and we know that can't be done." |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Yeah, I was going to bring up that last part when I got to it. I'm not done yet. |
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b.costen Member
since 2003-11-02
Posts 107ontario, CAN |
The first stanza is confusing, a little boring and just not as good to read as the rest. I'd consider cutting it out and just starting with the second stanza, or rewriting the first stanza to be as good as the rest of the poem. so what's it going to be then, eh? |
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Edward Grim Senior Member
since 2005-12-18
Posts 1154Greenville, South Carolina |
quote: Yeah, I probably won't be doing that. But thanks for the read. "Well I wish that you would cheat with someone, 'cause you're like diggin' holes in water and we know that can't be done." |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
quote: The rockets line is a great interjection and probably cemented my interest in the poem. Like Battlestar Galactica, we have a diverse bunch of people attempting to reach Earth. Except, of course, they already live there. One problem for me is the comparison between the planet and a decent shack. It's hard for me to visualize (of course, it could be that 'to call' also means something like 'to phone' but that seems even more problematic). The beach then is our solar system, neighborhood, galaxy whatever and the 'shack' is something that we should be comfortable --'decent'--with. However, the shack makes more sense as a transition between the 'space going' people and the next sentence: quote: The 'shack' combined with 'Einstein' sets up a nice coherence between the two sentences, uniting them in the imaginitive, habitual worlds. Both seem to end up with the same waiting. I don't know the significance of 87 cents but the basic point, I guess, is simply that we wait in anticipation for what is in fact a trifle (though 13 cents profit is not a trifle in the big leagues.) I'll try to finish this up later, but look at the topics in these strophes: a scene of rich ,old people, a man writing a letter, imaginitive poor people and the next one, the always important 'I'. Anybody else see the pattern? |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
quote: And we have another interjection. And this one is interesting, not because it signifies a transition between two pairs of strophes (see below) but because it's almost as if the speaker has decided to stop observing the world and wants to become a part of it. And yet, immediately, we are told that the reason that 'he is not the human' he wants to be, is the fact that the world or himself has already been figured out -- that there is nothing left to look for or find, no mystery left in the universe. That we are all, perhaps, waiting for something to happen but we wait in vain because it's already happened. My personal reaction to this was, 'that's just dumb'. But in terms of the poem, I think it makes a kind of sense or non-sense if you will. The tone of the piece is less than complimentary to the people being depicted. He excoriates those who follow status routines, break up with the unattainable, wait to win the lottery, but is angry that he can't find anything new in the world or with himself. Isn't this interjection a kind of confession? What is it but the excoriation of the self or of the world because, in essence, the only thing left are the following actions? It is the confession, not of existential angst, but of existential boredom. But it takes an interesting shift in the last strophe. |
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Edward Grim Senior Member
since 2005-12-18
Posts 1154Greenville, South Carolina |
I've never seen you dive this deep into a poem before, let alone one supplied by me. I'm pretty shocked at the level of understanding you have with this. Some of your interpretations describe undertones that I wasn't even aware of but nonetheless reflect how I feel. Maybe my subconscious is leaking and I wasn't aware of it. You must be a mental plumber, heh. You pinpointed all of the comments I made about society but for some stupid reason, I didn't think I was talking about myself in S4 and the beginning of S5. I know I started S4 with "I," but it felt removed for some reason. This is really strange, I feel like I've come to a realization about myself. quote: I just re-read this line and... well, I'm talking about myself. (Freudian slip?) I didn't realize how narcissistically self-demeaning I am. This is incredibly strange. Thanks Brad, really. |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
The first line of the poem caught my attention. I am a animal lover particularly dogs; but then I was not sure about the rest. I may be just to run of the mill to get it .I am almost a hundred percent sure that you are not a drug user or have a mental disorder and I don’t even know you. Btw, If you knew where I lived, I wouldn’t be to worried, there is always a hundred and fifty pounds of Germany Shepard at my side |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Ed, I haven't finished this yet, but it is for the most part done. Psychology is not my thing -- and I suspect that you talking like that made me freeze. I like words. So -- don't do that. |
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