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Critical Analysis #2
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Haiku 5/7/5........3/5/3
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Haiku 5/7/5........3/5/3 |
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longte Member
since 2005-04-06
Posts 199Australia |
Flight 5/7/5 Kookaburra bray Silences the other birds Welcoming the day Red green colours bright Lorikeet on wings so fleet Watch in pure delight Foetid swamp is why Opalescent dragonfly Graces morning sky Pelicans gliding Black and white in perfect flight Comically landing Haunting caw in air Harbinger of loneliness Omen of despair Heron tall on log Rapier swift the silhouette Goodbye weary frog Nonchalant flitting Gorgeous hues unsubdued Butterfly sitting Contrails; aircraft fuels Metal mimicry you see Provenance of fools Haunting spectral sight Silent death on silken wing Owl welcomes the night Silence shimmers past Power of fear flowering Bats feeding at last Flight 3/5/3 Dawning rays Kookaburra brays Others wait Lorikeet Red green colours bright Pure delight Swamp is why Red blue dragonfly Gracing sky Pelicans Majestic in flight Clowns landing Loneliness Haunting caw in air Dark omens Tall on log Rapier swift strike Goodbye frog Nonchalant Gorgeous colours Butterfly Contrail high Metal mimicry Flight dies Silent death Haunting spectral sight Welcome Owl Bats feeding Silence shimmers past Fears flower Just playing here with both 5/7/5 and 3/5/3 .. . Live It |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi -- If You are playing, you seem to be playing very hard and very well. I know it's a drag to put up one haiku at a time, but yeesh, how does one respond to 20-odd? I talked about haiku on another site, and was clobbered for knowing nothing about the form by, ah, looney tunes, so I'm not going to let loose here. You might want to look up Huan Yi's (John's) work in this manner in Open. He gets it much more often dead on that not. He has an available email address, but he tends to be terse, or shall we say, compressed in his responses. Asking anyone to comment on this "lot" involves a chore of some magniture. I hope these came to you in a "burst" of creative energy. Happens fortuitously some times! I'm particluarly tickled by the freshness, to our non-Aussie ears, of down under imagery and thought. Just as a thought, and not criticism, why not pull out your favorite four our five, always hard to do with our "children," and put them up for a go at them. Makes reasoned response a bit easier, and probably more relevant when concentrated. If you don't post in this wacko forum often, I encourage you to do so, because you are clearly one of the more sophisticated posters. You may know already that this is a friendly, if decidely opinionated group. Only thing I question is your notion of "playing around." You don't have to denigrate yourself. When a lot of poets "play around," it's only after wiping off the blood, Nice to meet you, Jim  |
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longte Member
since 2005-04-06
Posts 199Australia |
Hi mate Reason I said playing round was fairly simple Just learning about haikus etc now There is one school of thought that says 5/7/5 and another that says do whatever you like So I rewrote the haikus as 3/5/3 There is some form of haiku that has a group of haiku following a 'trend/influence/design' This group is supposed to attempt that Thanks for input Peter Live It |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Peter, Nice to meet you! Go, Go, Go! Best, Jim |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
Maybe one day I'll seriously try Haiku. I'm just too wordy to cram everything down that small! I'm too western-minded I suppose. Stephen |
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longte Member
since 2005-04-06
Posts 199Australia |
Hi Stephanos If you read any of my other bits I can usually agree with your sentiments exactly Only just started playing with haiku Really difficult to get enough expression into so few words; which helps increase precision [I think] Having FUN Peter |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
quote: Personal favorite. |
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