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Tommy Emmanuel
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Tommy Emmanuel |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA 
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Curved wood dancing Six wires holding it together along with my spellbound attention The hands of a C.G.P. much too nimble for just two and lanky Aussie fingers callous tipped and weather beaten like his sore punished spruce “Do I look like a trap set"? aquainted with every groove along the dotted railway like a Train to Dusseldorf with as little effort as the wind that blows shut the lids of a thousand velvet lined cases or opens ten thousand more Making lithe melody overwhelm even a most ferocious and indomitable technique Half Chet and half tornado With a smile as big as his heart Such is the fingerpickin’ legacy of Tommy Emmanuel [This message has been edited by Stephanos (09-25-2007 11:38 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2007 Stephen Douglas Jones - All Rights Reserved | |||
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Stephen -- beautiful poem, tribute, and great romantic imagery. Had to Google CPG, but since apparently, there are only three of them, that might be expected. Best, Jim |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
Jim, Thanks for the complement. I figured "google" and "wikipedia" might clue folks in on a few of the more obscure spots of the poem. You did mean C.G.P. right?  "Train the Dusseldorf" is a song from his album "Only". Tommy is quite a musical delight that even non-guitar-players will enjoy. Stephen |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Stephen! As it happens, I've been picking (poorly) for fifty years and know your reference. What killed me was your ability to describe the physical nature of the guitar and it's relationship to the guitarist with such distinct, fresh, and evocative imagery. Personally, I'm a CHA -- Certified Hopeless Amatuer. Again, really good work. If anybody tries to beat you up on this, ignore it. Best, Jim  |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
LOL. C.H.A. eh? Me too I suppose. But I'm working hard to shed that even lesser known, but far more common title. I'd love to pick a bit with you sometime. Stephen |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Stephen. Gotta agree with Jim on this one. That is a spot on description. I'm pretty sure I would have recognized your subject even without the name. |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
Thanks, Not A Poet. Stephen. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
First, I didn't know anything about this guy. I went to the website and, okay, he can play a little bit. A couple of nitpicks: quote: That 'and' bothers me. I know that two refers to hands and that 'and' is an attempt to separate 'hands and fingers', but I, for whatever reason, want to conflate the two and keep seeing two fingers. That, of course makes no sense. I don't know, a comma or even a period might help here. Part of the problem is that I often try intentionally to do stuff like this and so it's harder for me to read the two as separate. quote: This is a disappointing ending. "A smile as big as his heart/Such is the fingerpickin' legacy" -- okay, but you've got some really great stuff in the middle (see below)and this just felt like it lacked, I don't know, energy. Why I wanted to comment: quote: I loved this part. The whole image is perfect for a music video -- though I'm not sure the impact would be stronger than the image I have in my head. There are other nice parts in this poem, but this was the one that really grabbed me. |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
Brad, Thanks for your favorable review. If I can get by with just a couple of nitpicks then I feel that I did well. I think the comma or period is a good solution to your particular problem with the hands and fingers thing. I did want to respond to one thing though, when you said: quote: Perhaps that's true. But if you were as well aquainted with Tommy, you'd see that I was attempting something endearing warm and maybe even a bit homely (if there's a positive sense to that word). He's got the goofiest smile and the warmest personality. He tells corny jokes between songs and stays after his performances and sees literally everyone who wants to talk to him. So to a non-fan (or a pre-fan ) it might be disappointing, but I think some others might catch the mood I was going for. But then again, my defense and explanation is open-ended. There might be a better way to accomplish what I meant to. Any suggestions? You've always got ideas, I know. And BTW, go to youtube.com and check out some of his videos, particularly "Angelina" and "Guitar Boogie", if you really want to see what he can do. Or here's one for you: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=359432783798 221239&q=the+hunt&total=1297&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=0 Stephen |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Stephen -- Well I knew somebody would have to "pick" on your "picker." Maybe it's the nature of the CA beast. I still wouldn't change a "note," unless it amuses you to do so. Best, Jim |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
Jim, Many thanks. Of course Brad's iron silence is (in a way) heavier-handed than his open criticism don't you think? "Better open rebuke than hidden love" Stephen |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
Brad I've been thinking, What if I changed "With a smile as big as his heart Such is the fingerpickin’ legacy of Tommy Emmanuel" to this: With a heart as big as his sound And a smile warm as his frets Such is the fingerpickin' legacy of Tommy Emmanuel Honestly, is this an improvement at all? Stephen |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
No, not really. But what about: quote: Seems a proper end to the poem lies in these two sentences -- somewhere. But I'm still trying to deal with the fact that my silence is more powerful than my words. |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
Brad, I dunno, Jim says I should leave it as is. And those lines you mentioned don't really have anything summative about them, nothing to frame with ... just more particulars ... know what I mean? But I'll give some thought to what you've said. Meanwhile, I like it as is too. Thanks for everyone's comments. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Okay. Though I was trying to point out that it might be better to show what made you write the lines rather than defending the lines themselves. But I've been outvoted. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
"Half Chet and half tornado" I feel the presence of my Dad here... (you know how to get to a gal...) I've been admiring this for a lotta hours. The love shines.  (I know, I know, this is a critique forum, but what's not to like in this???) |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
Yeah, (false modesty aside) I like that line too. It's quite an image isn't it? I can almost see it. Thanks Karen. Stephen |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
To give you an idea of a Tommy Joke ... Whaddya get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A Flat Miner. What's the difference between a Banjo and an Onion? No one cries when you cut up a Banjo. What is perfect pitch? When someone throws a Banjo through a window and knocks down an accordion player. Stephen |
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Bob K Member Elite
since 2007-11-03
Posts 4208 |
Dear Stephanos, I thought I'd have a look at one of your drafts and found I enjoyed it. I'm not sure, however, what level of feedback you're comfortable with. For myself, I generally want feedback that would help me put a poem into condition to publish in a decent magazine. Of course, I have to do my own marketing, which is always a pain in the rear end. But when I offer poems for feedback, that's the level of feedback I find useful. It's always better when it's put thoughtfully, of course. I need that because I think my issue is being blinded by my own narcissism, which makes me blind to my own flaws as a writer. Some people want only more general and unspecific feedback that doesn't help make concrete revisions in the poem, but offers a general sense of support in the process of putting words on paper. That's hard enough. Some people really aren't ready for much of an audience yet because their poetry is simply too personal and they aren't at a place where they can translate what's going on inside into language people outside can get. The feedback they need is different, still. It looks to me like you can handle some fairly specific feedback. I'm nervous about feather ruffling, but: 1) It's nice to be writing about a musician. This one I don't know. That doesn't matter. What does matter and what a poem will stand or fall on is whether you have won the reader over right away, and whether you are able to keep the reader entranced to the end of the poem. I don't remember if this is Keats or Coleridge, but it's called "willing suspension of disbelief." 2) you never quite get mine. I think this is because of trouble with the beginning of the poem. You start off with the promise of sentence that looks like it is about to be about a guitar, drag me along for three lines, then dump me out in C.G.P. Stephanos, if I have to go to the dictionary to know what you mean in the fourth line of a poem, you've got to understand that when I come back the trance is broken. You've only got once chance get have somebody read a poem for the first time. Personally, I need more punctuation and grammatical structure than this to make my way through the poem. Given the constant choice a reader has between reading and quitting, this sort of structure makes quitting too attractive an option for many readers. I want to single out some of the poem parts for praise. "Curved wood," "Six wires holding it together," "Callous tipped," "punished spruce,""dotted railway like a Train to Dusseldorf," "Wind that blows shut the lids of...velvet cases." You're working on interesting images and on some precise pictures here. Not many writers today get that about writing poems; they tend to get vaporous and abstract. There are other things, but I've said too much to absorb anyway, if you're at all like me. Best, BobK There are of course pieces of that here |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Bob K. To start to get a better idea of Stephen and what he can handle, click on his profile tab, go to his blog, and read, at least, his "Candy Store" article. After you get up off the floor, most of your questions will be answered. Best, Jim [This message has been edited by oceanvu2 (11-30-2007 10:52 PM).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
quote: Well, it's Coleridge, but I don't understand what you mean here. Care to elaborate? Or do you mean, much more simply, that it doesn't work for you? I'm not baiting you, but I am trying to tease something out of it. It's an interesting point about aesthetics, verbal gymnastics, and manipulation of the reader. |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
quote: I'm an amateur, and therefore I am completely open to consider your comments, on whatever level. quote: I understand what you're saying. But I don't think a poet's purpose is to always to mesmerize every reader. One may write with different audiences in mind. And maybe that was a risk of mine, posting it here for a somewhat general audience. Would your criticism apply if I were trying to get published in a magazine like "Fingerstyle Guitar"? If there is some familiarity with the subject, then the 4th line may not be so prosaic. For a Tommy Fan, it could be one of the high points of the poem. C.G.P. is a title only 4 people hold. But even a non-Tommy-Fan (interesting word) only has to tolerate a couple of lines of such techinal mystery. Concrete and common imagery immediately follows C.G.P. So I think you might be overstating your case. But then again, if it didn't work for you, then I still needed to know why. Your critique will speak to my future decisions about what stuff to put in verse. And I do appreciate it. quote: To me the reader always has a constant choice between reading and quitting, punctuation notwithstanding. That's interesting though. I'm curious, does anyone else feel this way? Are the run-on sentences wearying? I'll give this some more consideration. I have to admit though that Tommy's guitar pieces flow along in this kind of way, without too many lone cadences. I guess If I could justify it, I could do so along those musical lines. Of course the final justification is what the reader feels (including myself and others). quote: Jim, Not quite sure how to take that one. Wish I could hear the tone of your voice. I'm either flattered or flattened.  Stephen |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Stephen: My remark was a compliment. As a poet, you have ups and down like everyone, and this poem is an up. As an essayist, demonstrated in the blog, you are a C.S.S -- Certified Super-Scribbler. Best, Jim |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
lol. Takes one to know one, no doubt. Stephen |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Ooh, and I just, after all these years, found a chord progression for "Amazing Grace" in the Key of A with the F#m and C#m in the progression, a real Sun Records--Southern-Gospel Quartet styling. And if you play it up and down the neck, you can really finger-pick the tune because it just falls into place. With the Amazing Grace-notes! I know I'm nuts, but I think the remark is on topic in a Tommy Emmanuel thread. Best, Jimbeaux |
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Bob K Member Elite
since 2007-11-03
Posts 4208 |
Dear Stephanos, Sorry I took so long getting back to you after your kind response to my comments. This time, Buffalo! Had a disagreement with a snow shovel in which I triumphed by fending it off with my head. Staples is not simply an office supply store to me any more. Elaine, my wonderful wife, and I had been tiptoeing out of the house at 5:00am to catch a plane and had to stay extra time. Family time was great, though, so it actually turned out well. Anyway, I got a look at your website and your beautiful kids, and had a look at some of your well-tuned prose. The prose is very good. Don't always agree with what you say, but you do a fine job of being as evenhanded as possible, even for people like George Carlin, who's saddened you in some ways. I like the way you refuse to put him on the trash-heap yet don't back down on what you see as his flaws. I like the way you stand up for the hope and joy you've gotten from God, and I like your Witness. My experience has been that people get along much better when they have some sense of the folks they're talking with. As H.S.Sullivan said, "We're all much more simply human than otherwise." It's easy to forget. Anyway again. . . Thank you for your openness. All of us are amateurs, really. Auden used to say that the only time he really thought he was a poet was when he was writing one. That always made sense to me. If you're completely open to my comments, though, you need to be more cautious. I have never tried to mislead you and don't plan on doing so, but you need to filter whatever I say or anyone else through your own good sense. Otherwise I feel I need to be cautious beyond the strictures of good taste for the two of us, and you may lose some potentially useful imput. It also deprives you of making your own mind up as to what you can actually trust of what I say. You'll need that sense of my point of view if I'm to be helpful. Start off overcautious. Critically, you don't know me from Adam. No, it's not the poet's purpose to mesmerize every reader. It's the poet's purpose to get the readers he wants to finish the poem interested enough in the poem so that they don't do something else before they finish the poem. Any readers you would like to walk away from the poem, you are free distract as much as you want. You don't care if they stop reading after the first line, or the third. They don't matter. I'm afraid here that I may be sadly misusing a metaphor, but it is one that might get what I mean across to you. I hope I'm no clumsy when I say the issue is about whether or not you want to preach to the choir. The choir will sit there and listen attentively no matter what. Do you want to put parishioners in the pews or not? We parishioners want to feel the good news in our bellies and our bones and our hearts. If you want to make your points of logic, you go right ahead and do it, just make sure that you brings my heart and belly and bones along with you, otherwise I'll fall asleep or find myself another preacher. I'll be willing to listen and pay attention to most anything as long as you don't do something intrusive that will make me want to pick a bone with you, that will make me suspend my goodwill. If I don't know what C.G.P. is and you use it like I should know, I'm going to be busy thinking about what the dickens is a C.P.G. (yes, Stephanos, I know I got the order wrong, but unless the information is somehow gotten into the text or some way of writing around the detail is included, so are a fair portion of your readers. Are you going to wag fingers at them too?) Even now, after I told you I didn't know what C.G.P. is, on 11/3/07; and you responded—thank you very much, by the way—I still don't know. One potential audience member out of how many readers? Either find a way to give me the information in the poem that doesn't break the ongoing flow—do-able but difficult—or don't use and and find some new and more brightly struck way of conveying equivalant information. It's all about the poem, not, as in prose journalism, all about Tommy. Being all about you is a different kind of poem, I think, than you are attempting here, and that sort of thing has its own pitfalls. You may want, in your admiration for Tommy, to talk about C.G.P. (whatever that is, that only four people hold, titlewise). Generally, when considering publishing poems, one thinks more on the basis of the style the magazine favors. Not always, of course. But is the poem NEWYORKIAN, is it Iowa style, is it beat, is it liberationist of some variety, is it Formal, is it hip hop, is it surrealist are questions one considers in general before "Fingerstyle Guitar" versus "Downbeat." Those would be more the marketing decisions for articles, I'd think. Certainly, A decent poem about your sensei would be better in more likely in Asian Martial Arts. I saw one in The Georgia Review in 1979 or '80 about Morei Ueyshiba, the O-sensei in aikido. Style, I think, for poems, more than subject. Anyway, Stephanos, I'm very sorry about getting back to you on this decent and joyful poem. Affectionately, BobK. |
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