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Critical Analysis #2
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Bouncing Betty (revision)
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Bouncing Betty (revision) |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
Betty bounced up to my knee my clumsy foot just set her free. She caught my heart, numbed my ears and filled my eyes with tears. Saved me money on some things, shoes for one and wedding rings, sleek fancy cars I’ll never drive She left me so alive. Here with Daniel's my best friend on whose strength I now depend, I try but can’t forget the day she blew my world away. [This message has been edited by Grinch (09-21-2007 06:02 PM).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I never had much of a taste for Jack. The entire second strophe is great: quote: I think this captures precisely the kind of mundane, absurd thoughts that pop through your head when dealing with tragedy. This and ending on that killer last line. Whatever else you decide to do, I really think this should stay as it is. [This message has been edited by Brad (09-22-2007 08:16 AM).] |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
quote: Nor me, but then again I’ve never stepped on a malfunctioning land mine either.  |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Malfunctioning? Care to explain further? |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
The bouncing Betty landmine was designed to ‘bounce’ up to waist height and propel shrapnel horizontally out to radius of 100m in open terrain. It was triggered by a pressure sensitive plate or tripwire. They were originally used in WWII but also used in Vietnam where vegetation and tactics reduced their effective range making them a more personal anti-personnel mine, a defective bouncing Betty would explode before it reached waist height, more like knee height with obvious consequences. Tragedy is certainly involved but I was trying to find the fulcrum point of luck where it’s just as easy to call it bad as it is to call it good and how that decision can be affected by perspective. It’s a glass half empty half full thing, or was supposed to be, it’s also a tilt at “alls fair in love and war”. By the way the speaker is based loosely on Lieutenant Dan Taylor at his lowest, at least that’s who I pictured when writing it, so maybe "Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you gonna get" played a part too. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Okay. I guess I didn't pay enough attention to the first strophe, it's perfectly clear (And while I didn't do any homework here, I did dimly remember what the Betty was shooting for.). The only problem I have now is the wedding ring line. Why wouldn't he have to buy a wedding ring? |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
quote: The speaker is listing the things he’s never going to need as he sees it, he’s in glass half empty mode. A wedding ring, fancy cars and even shoes are still a possibility, look at Lieutenant Dan Taylor, but you need a glass half full perspective to see it. |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
May you never just write about something in terms of what it actually is? The manner of this just makes it vague and flippant. What is the point? |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
quote: OK Ess you’ve convinced me, I’ll stop posting my poems. Do you mind if I keep writing them though? |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
quote: Ess, I really don’t see what is “vague” about this. As far as I can see, provided you understand what the title refers to (and 3 seconds on Google solves that) then the rest of the poem comes over perfectly clearly while at the same time with tantalizing little forays into other possibilities to do with the female of the species. But the main theme is crystal clear. As far as being flippant is concerned you are right. It’s not so much the vocabulary as the form and rhyme scheme and general tone of the poem that convey a certainly lightness. Grinch is suggesting that his speaker is in “glass half empty” mode, by which he means that the speaker is looking on the bleak side of his situation. I don’t think that claim sits too well with the tone of the poem. The very fact that the guy is writing a poem like this implies imo that he isn’t sunk in stultifying woes. And yet it works very well for me. The almost flippant attitude acts as a rather poignant counterpoise to the actual tragedy somehow magnifying it rather than demeaning it. Anyway where’s the fun in writing about “what actually is” - I do “what actually is” every time I walk out the front door.  M |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
I had to look up bouncing betty but the rest was much easier to understand than my sunflowers. Nice one, Grinch! And, as Brad mentioned, the last line is a killer - the perfect close to a really fine poem.Was just reading Kooser's Poetry Repair Manual and in one section he mentions choosing an imaginary reader before you write your poem. I think your poem is accessible to the average reader with average intelligence and even me. Kooser also mentions the importance of the title. Took maybe 30 seconds for me to Google bouncing betty. I really don't think that's too much to ask the reader to do, especially if they want to participate in a CA forum like this. |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
Hi Grinch, Not only do I think this a great poem and should be left just as it is, I learned a great deal from it. I didn't know what a "Bouncing Betty" was. Now I know. Ida |
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cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
Grinch, This is one nice little ironically light piece that--much like a Bouncing Betty--deserves to be exposed above all the muck and ooze that has accumulated upon it since it was initially placed here. It should be obvious to all but an overstrung pedant that the subject, the imagery and the meter are all well planned and methodically placed. Sid |
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