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Critical Analysis #2
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What if?
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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What if? |
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bigbrownlashes New Member
since 2007-09-09
Posts 6 |
What if I wasn't who you think I am I never lied to you You made me up on your own I tried to tell you once I tried to tell you twice You never heard me What if I told you I was hurting I never told you before You make me feel invisible Do you think you're the only one lost Do you think you're the only one wondering You don't care about me What if I told you I was leaving I'm never coming back I need to escape I need to live You won't even notice I'm gone So whatcha' think? |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Second advice: drop the you, the direct address. What about a scene where you really do become invisible? The person in question can't see you but, perhaps, can still hear you. That might be fun. |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
quote: This is the second time I find myself agreeing with Brad, sort of. Try dropping the you and replacing it with I or me or my, turn the direct address inward into a conversation to, by and about yourself, I tried it and I think it really works. |
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