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Critical Analysis #2
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ChristianSpeaks and Moonbeam "mentoring" thread
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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ChristianSpeaks and Moonbeam "mentoring" thread |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Ok, Dane let's get started. 1 Introduction First of all I just want to repeat that there are many different ways of writing and teaching poetry, all I'm going to do here is try and show you some things that have worked for me, based on an amalgam of stuff from poetry textbooks I respect, the internet, and from chatting to poets whose writing I like. Obviously it does not mean you have to end up writing like I do, and that this is the only "right" way. It's just one possible way, and all that I intend is to give you a few ideas that hopefully might stimulate you into finding your own way, yet a way that is also interesting and even uplifting for other's to read too. As long as you take what we are going to try and do here as a starting point, and not the end game, we'll do just fine. 2 Objective To write a poem(s)! Ultimately that's what we'll try and do here, but we're going to start slowly and hopefully get your imagination and mind working overtime to begin with. 3 Keep a notebook Even if you haven't done it before, for the next few weeks it would be great if you could carry a little notebook and pencil around with you always. Start to make a habit of observation. Detailed observation I mean. Write down unusual things you see, taste, hear, touch and experience. Things you see other's do and hear them say. Be inquisitive. Do NOT mind your own business. Ask yourself why the girl in the smart austere business suit at the train station wears the incongruous large looped gold earrings in contrast to her otherwise staid image? Is it a rebellion against her mother's lifestyle? Maybe they were a gift from a lover she cannot bear to be without. Perhaps she is a spy meeting a contact and this is the way they will recognise each other. Maybe little ideas will come to you as you note things. Perhaps something you see will trigger a childhood memory. A cat walking on the top of a wall for instance. The cat, you note, has a broken tail and very odd purple and orange markings. The wall is thin. The cat's balance is precarious. All of a sudden you see parallels between this cat and your school life. You were the odd one out, the different one, walking the tightrope of convention, knowing that if you slipped you'd be outcast forever. Jot all this stuff down in your notebook. DON'T try and write poems or make it sound poetical, just get it all down AS IT OCCURS TO YOU. Don't post your notebook jottings to this thread. Keep them, they will be very useful later. 4 In this thread Some of your best poems that I've seen here have been when you keep it simple and everyday. Your Man at Wal-mart and Girl in Mall were both heading in the right direction, whereas No Title, Internal Conversation and Ode to a Piece of Paper weren't! To begin with then we're going to forget about poetry and simply concentrate on producing little vignettes in polished compressed prose. We'll do a few of them, no more than a 100 words each. As a stimulus you could use some of the following if you want: Recall a happy time from your past. Recall your happiest or saddest vacation. Recall someone you know well and like a lot. Recall your first crush (Brit expression?), romantic infatuation Recall a place or building that you love(d) or hated Recall something crazy you did as a kid Recall the first time you can remember being very envious of someone Recall the most beautiful landscape you ever saw Recall an incident or memory from a hospital Recall a religious person or holy place Recall an animal you loved You can obviously use any stimulus you want to, either from past or present. Maybe you could do, say, 5 of them. I'll try one as an example: My Gran and I loved to sit close to Grandfather when he smoked. Each time he unrolled a cigar she would pounce on the thin scroll of Spanish cedar and place it in an airtight box. When he was gone, heads close together we would open it briefly, draw in the scent of him, as he used to savour the smoke, and then close it again sealing in the memory. Ok this was quick, but you get the idea hopefully; don't go over 100 words though. If you do 5 or so please. Quality not quantity. Take your time please Dane. A couple of days at least, and post them all in one post not one at a time. Thanks. M |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
M- Okay. I've already jotted down two that were just floating around. As a people-watcher (not the scary kind, but you know) this will be quite enjoyable. I will post again when I have complete the five write's. Thanks. Dane And a song that I was writing is left undone. I don't know why I spend my time writing songs I can't believe With words that tear and strain to rhyme. -Paul Simon |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
Okay M- I worked on this over the weekend and only found four that I would like to post. I had some other's but I don't think they would fit the bill. As I wrote these, I found that as a writer I am very personally oriented. To write something with out "I" or "me" in it was very hard. Do you think that is a downfall? I was surprised. Here are four writes that I think fit the bill: Amanda Dare Amanda had short brown hair and that was good because here stature was short to match. She was the first girl I loved and she was in my sixth grade class. When she kissed me the first time, the first time for both of us, I was instantly saddened. Because I knew at that point, it wouldn’t last. Amy Dillavou Amy walked in and introduced herself as Amy, the band teacher. It wasn’t until later, exchanging information, that she said,” My email is ADillavou, but I’m getting it changed. I was married this summer.” It wasn’t so much that I was to congratulate her, but to be put on notice that she was good enough. For men. And for marriage. I hadn’t particularly doubted it, but her amount of doubt was enough for the both of us. College Dorm Room The smell of construction paper reminds me of my dorm room in college. Listening to singer/songwriters singing and songwriting the most contrived lyrics with songs like “For You” and ”Gone” with my door open. Pondering the innermost harmonic language of Bach and Corelli – thinking myself an intellectual and knowing it was the greatest time of my life. Apprehension Children wear their apprehension right out on their sleeve. New experiences, new people never trusted at first. As apprehension exits, trust is the replacement. It slides over their faces like a shadow. When is it we loose that skill to be so forthright with our unsuredness? |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Don't worry about the I/me Dane, the whole exercise was about your recall, so there would be something wrong if "I" didn't feature strongly  .Ok, these are not bad, at least the first three are certainly what I was looking for. What we are going to try and do to start with is to aim at getting you into writing using images to represent thoughts and feelings. And not just any images, but concrete vibrant ones if possible. Let's take your last attempt first as this is the one that is furthest away from what we are aiming for. What I want you to do is whenever you write a word down to describe someone or something, ask yourself if you can you detect it with any of your five senses. So for instance, the noun "cat" represents a living being that you can see, touch, smell etc. In contrast the abstract noun "apprehension" is a word used to describe a mental state. At a stretch you might be able to say that you can see the effects of apprehension on somebody's face, but this is imprecise and vague. The same facial expressions could be caused by many things for instance. The same applies to the noun "trust", it's abstract, can you taste, hear, smell, feel or see "trust"? So in your fourth piece you fail to establish any real picture in my mind. You are just making a series of speculations about children and people in general. Moreover the very generality of the observation makes it weaker still. Which leads me to my second point. When you write try to be a specific as possible: children becomes teens, teens become white teens, white teens become white teens in Boston etc etc. What I want to see here is why YOU have formed the view that you have about children, make something up if you have to, but let us see what's going on here: Here's yours: "Children wear their apprehension right out on their sleeve. New experiences, new people never trusted at first. As apprehension exits, trust is the replacement. It slides over their faces like a shadow. When is it we loose that skill to be so forthright with our unsuredness?" And here's a quick attempt to show the same idea using pictures: "I watch the kids up and down our street every morning venture down their crazy paving paths to catch the school bus. They are all the same, jumping at every noise, poised to leap back, like kittens touching a stirring leaf with a nose tip. And here's Jack, blue cap tilted low as if to block the gaze of strangers, his little school bag like a shield held out in front. I wonder, will he hold his laptop like that in some up-town smoked glass office one day?" Ok, that's good because it's given me the opportunity to try and show you a way to say the same sort of thing but hopefully to make it more interesting. Your first three were a lot better, and I hope by now you can see why I say that. Yes? In each instance though you start off with a nice simple clear statement showing a picture: The short, brown haired Amanda. Amy the band teacher. The construction paper and the dorm. but then things slip a little. It would, for instance, have been of great interest to know what it was about that first kiss that caused you to know what you knew? And Amy offers a wealth of opportunities for presenting a picture. Let's see the defiant tilt of her chin as she tells you about her marriage. Find a way to show us what you saw in her face or body language which made you know the challenge in her, and the doubt behind it. Perhaps she flushed, maybe tossed her ponytail, jutted her chin forward, but all the time you could see her fingers nervously lacing and unlacing. The third piece is pretty good until you reach the last line which becomes vague. I know it's hard, but you have to find something more interesting than "thinking myself an intellectual and knowing it was the greatest time of my life". Perhaps something like: "I was young, I was lifted by the chords, I was Beethoven!" Ok, ok, over the top I know, but hopefully you see what I mean. Don't be frightened of powerful language either. ................... Ok, this has been good. For the purposes of this thread we need to set these aside for now. So please don't tinker with them here, or re-post them here. However, if you get time, it would be good if you could play around with them, see if you can express those emotions and thoughts by creating little pictures or situations using as many strong concrete nouns and active verbs as possible. Write some different ones too if you like. We'll be revisiting what you've done here and what you will do behind the scenes in a few weeks when we start to develop a poem. If you have any questions, by all means post them here or mail me. ...................... Meanwhile we're going to continue to focus on "OBSERVATION" - being nosey if you like. We're going to see how other poets look for detail and nuance, and convert it to expressive, and above all interesting, language. Over the next few days/weeks we'll take four poems, each dealing with observation: observation of human character; observation of an animal, observation of an inanimate object and finally, and perhaps most complex, observation of a human situation. PiP rules don't allow me to post the poems, so the first is here: http://lechatestdanslebrouillar.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!4BB18B718BAD1BB!107.entry Please read it over and over, and think about it. Don't post anything about it here yet. In a couple of days I'll post some questions for you. Happy reading. M [This message has been edited by moonbeam (08-27-2007 12:29 PM).] |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
quote: Clarifying question: Should one refrain from assigning emotion to a character, and instead create a situation where the reader understands the intent? Sort of a qualified "less is more." Dane |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Dane Well it depends whose emotion we are talking about here: yours as the writer, or the characters in your poems/writing. When I said: "see if you can express those emotions and thoughts ..." I was talking about YOUR (Dane's) emotions and thoughts, e.g. your speculation on the "apprehension" of children. YOUR thoughts on that topic were what you were trying to convey. So what I want you to try and do is convey YOUR thoughts about children and Amanda and Amy and music in a form that doesn't rely on simply telling us about them. Create a scene or picture or drama that gets your feelings and thoughts across without telling in a mundane vague way. That's what I mean when I say SHOW don't tell. So as far as the characters you are describing go of COURSE it's ok to assign emotion to them if that's what you have to do. Go for it. If Amy was hysterical and crazy then show her as that using appropriately strong verbs, if she was withdrawn and quiet then obviously do the opposite. I think you are maybe confusing this with times when I have said in other threads that there's too much "I" and "me". This, I suppose, is a lazy way for me to say that the poet is focussing so much on himself and what HE felt that the writing degenerates into a kind of boring monologue or "diary entry": I did this, I did that. The point is that it's natural and great to want to write about your experiences and to convey your feelings, the trick is to do it in an interesting and original way. It's hard to do that, very hard, and we are going to build to it slowly. Right now that first exercise shows me how you are thinking, and it's now a matter of shifting the focus away from recalling your memories and thoughts, and on to something relatively straightforward: simply observing things and writing about them. Starting with the analysis of the four poems. Once we've done that for a week or two we will work our way back through various poetic techniques to the material you came up with in this first exercise together with the stuff that is hopefully accumulating in your notebook. Is that clear! Any more questions. Fire away. Best. M |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
Hey My library has a few texts on writing poetry. Do you have any ideas as far as who is worth reading? There's a bit of a list, so direction would be helpful (They have Poetry for Dummies. I figured I'd stay away from that.) Dane |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Dane I need to know a bit more about where you're at before answering that. I'll e-mail you later. M |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Ok Dane, I presume you managed to access the poem by Gjertrud Schnackenberg. I've decided against just firing a load of questions at you (we'll save that for one of the others!), instead we'll both do some work. It will be rather like what we've just done when we tried to portray things and feelings you recollected by using images or pictures, but in reverse. Gjertrud Schnackenberg has already done the hard bit in her poem. There are three characters involved, including the narrator herself, and we get a picture of all of them (though obviously not so much the narrator). What we will both do now is write down in plain English using as many abstract words as you like! how we see each of the characters (all three of them). So if you think that the poem portrays the Englishman as a the "bitter, lonely, thieving drunkard" then write it down just like that. We'll both do a short character description for each person and then post it to the forum as close as possible to midday PiP time on Friday 31st. I'll let you post yours first, and I promise I won't cheat. We'll then compare our descriptions and discuss how we arrived at them with reference to the poem. I realize that this is probably easier for me than for you as the poem is set in an environment and culture more familiar to me. However the challenge will do you good! Any questions, bombard me with e-mails, or post them here. M [This message has been edited by moonbeam (08-29-2007 04:20 PM).] |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Dane Slight change of plan - very slight! Having just started to work on my character descriptions I'm finding it very hard not to illustrate why I think what I do by pointing out the relevant bits in the poem. So we'll feed two birds with one crumb, and as well as saying what we think the characters are, we'll say why we think that as well. It's perfectly acceptable in PiP to quote small chunks of the poem as long as we attribute. So what we need to do is take each of the three characters one at a time, and describe their characters as far as we are able using the information given in the poem and explaining clearly why we have reached the conclusions we have. Is the timing Friday midday still ok for you? M |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
That is quite fine. I have not started the work yet so my questions are few as of now. The list will grow Dane |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Ok, Dane, I think it's about 1pm PiP time. I'm ready to post when you are. M |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
Few more things and I'll be ready. Dane |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
Observations on the three people in "The Bicyclist" by Gjertrud Schnackenberg. Person One – the Watcher: The person watching the action in this piece seems to be the writer. I can only guess that from the use of personal pronouns in the writing, but I think that it is a safe assumption. The writer is observant and calculating. She not only reports on what she saw, but also draws conclusions using extrapolation from body language and tempo of the conversation she is observing. The Narrator/Watcher is younger than the person who was driving and I believe that she has a good bit of admiration for the driver, yet I’m not sure that she see the driver is a father or brother, yet definitely not a lover. Person Two - The Bicyclist: The bicyclist is a frustrated, short statured, mean person. Example: “he came after us Shouting, Police! and pedaling furiously In his black suit.” He is unmarried or has be the reason for a divorce. He is purposefully vile man who is either completely comfortable with how he treats others, or, more likely, is unaware how he treats people. He doesn’t understand why people seem so reluctant to follow his lead – if they would just “ listen to what I say AND THEN DO IT!” He’s said it a thousand times. You can see in him how frustration elicits tirades of relentless berration on the “frustrator” Example: “As he pulled up and flailed at his kickstand And rained vituperation on your head.” He laughs to loud at things which aren’t funny. Person three – the Driver: The driver seems to me as one who is faultless. A patriarch of rare proportion. HE is well traveled, versed, and kempt. There is a long standing relationship between the driver and the watcher. Why else would they be driving in the same VW bus. The driver is insightful in a way that allows him to cut through the crap and address the real crux of an issue. That is what he did with the Bicyclist. You quietly cut through his narrative, "Are you all right?" your face kindly and awry. I want to say more about him, but this one is hard. |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
The Narrator We see only a small element of her character because essentially she simply reports what she sees. The word "our" in the first line is significant in the sense that it establishes some kind of bond between the speaker and the driver. It might be that the bond is limited simply to ownership of the VW, but after reading a few more lines we suspect not. This speaker is too interested in the way in which the driver behaves, too sympathetic for there to be an impersonal business arrangement between them. This is pretty much confirmed in the final strophe where the narrator's language is that of head shaking admiration for the character who can seemingly do the impossible. She seems to be recalling him, using the past tense "were" as if he was once for her an important and influential figure in her life. So what we see is someone who is capable of admiring the good in someone else; who is not jealous of the capabilities of her companion, or irritated by the break of the journey or by the incompetence of hitting the man in the first place. We also learn that this woman is not the kind of woman to take over in such a situation. She does not charge out of the bus and start to wade in with her own apologies or annoyance, she simply sits passive, knowing her companion will deal with it better. She may not be subservient to him, but in the matter of dealing with difficult situations we know that she is not, as it were, wearing the trousers. We sense in fact that whatever this companion does, she has faith in him. And though it's probably going too far just on the basis of this poem, I for one suspect she loves, or at least greatly admires, him. The Englishman We have a lot of information about this character. He is skinny, and just in that one word there is a covert suggestion that he might be hyperactive (thin people often are). This impression is confirmed an instant later when we get a string of strong nouns and active verbs: he's "mad", he shouts, in fact he shouts: "Police", he pedals furiously in a black suit (can you not just see that image? Head down tails flying pedalling like mad). Next, the poet could have just said, "he pulled up and rained ..", but no, we get another very strong image invoked by the verb "flailed". Can't you just see him, out of control, uncoordinated, kicking down at the stand and missing again and again in his frustration and annoyance, and the more he get mad, the more he misses. And then he doesn't just yell, which would be a tame word to use in such a situation, he "rains vituperation". That's a strong metaphor. So far then we have a series of excellent and clear images which portray this guy as someone who loses control in testing situations. Moreover the image of the black suit is already hinting at a formality. Is this guy going to fit the standard foreign stereotype of the uptight Brit? The poem at this point has more than a touch of humour about it perhaps. There is a nuance here too, that you might not see as an American. Stratford, as you probably know is the home of Shakespeare. As such it's sometimes full of airy fairy literary types and maybe a bit pretentious. Had this been set in gritty Glasgow, for instance, the character of the man on the bike would not have been so easy to establish. The second strophe sees a change. The poet hits us with four clear images in quick succession - how good is that! Moreover each image is interesting and tells us more about this guy, let's look at them: He looked his protagonist in the eye He straightened up His hands moved fast He straightened his bow tied Do you see how the writing isn't complicated in any way, but it elegantly gets the point across that this man is almost instantly regaining his temper, almost as fast as he lost it in fact. It also tells us that, despite the situation he has pride, maybe even vanity. His first thought is for his appearance. He straightens and makes himself more presentable. And what the heck is he doing wearing a bow tie anyway, this is surely a slightly eccentric, perhaps pompous Englishman. Two "straightens" there too: his spine and his tie; his inner self and his outer image. More images: the respectful answers, the nod, the offered hand, reinforce the idea that this guy is basically a decent person who can't handle stress, but who regains his equilibrium fast, and is then perhaps a little ashamed of himself. We feel this especially in the final strophe where the narrator is rather humourously tongue in cheek suggesting overtly that the Englishman is thanking the driver for sideswiping him. Perhaps the thank you is for the gentle lesson he has just received in how to conduct himself in a crisis. So here we have a highly strung, quick tempered, slightly eccentric, proud, verging on vain, man; yet as quick to cool and forgive as he is to condemn if handled in the right way. The collapsible bike in the final strophe possibly points up the way in which the man's flaring temper collapses, and how he reverts to the natural polite reserve of Englishmen who reside in Stratford and appreciate literature! There is definitely some humour here. The Driver Companion The information about this character is on the face of it less abundant than that about the Englishman. The images that are given to us are as follows: You swerved but grazed You pulled off beyond the bridge You stood by the bus You quietly cut through his narrative Your face kindly and awry You asked quiet questions However, and it is a BIG however, we see much about this character by observing the other two. The reactions of the Englishman tell us as much about the companion as his own actions. And similarly the summation of the narrator in the final strophe and her feelings provide that final and important confirmation of what we already know about him, and add a bit too. Let's look at the images first. Ok, so the guy makes a mistake. But note that he doesn't panic, far from it. Many people would have screeched to a halt there and then in a real stew, thereby blocking what she tells us is a narrow bridge. This guy calmly drives on to a place "beyond the bridge" where it's safe to pull over. So already this event is telling us something about him - calmness in the face of potential tragedy, because remember that at this stage he doesn't yet know how badly he's hurt the cyclist. Next we're told he "stood by the bus". Note again the passive action. Just standing, not haring up the road, not jumping up and down, not yelling, just standing waiting, watching, and no doubt assessing the damage cooly. The final three images confirm this impression of calmness but add a further dimension. The word "quiet" is used twice, but note also the he "cuts through" the narrative. This is a man not to be pushed around, he is quiet yes, calm yes, but also firm. He knows when to take decisive action and what action to take for the best. Everything we see and hear about him suggests that he is a "with it" guy. A key image is the portrayal of his face as being "kindly and awry". NOTE: that the narrator does NOT say "he was kind". "Kind" is abstract, of itself it is vague and woolly. What the poet does is to DESCRIBE his face. And all these images are given substantial additional significance when set against the reactions of the Englishman. The overall effect conveyed is of a man totally in control, able to think clearly and swiftly in a crisis and able to pick the right solution to resolve it and then act on it. But the line also tells us something else about him. This guy may be decisive and in control, but it's not the military man of action kind, it's not in any sense tinged with hardness or ruthlessness. His face is not only kindly but "awry". This is a man who is genuinely concerned for his fellow creatures, he is worried about the cyclist's welfare, but at the same time contains that worry and still acts calmly. This quality gives a depth to the man's character that few people possess: the ability to combine sensitivity and firmness in an effective way. Some people might characterise it as embodying both male and female qualities in a harmonious union. In the final strophe the assessment is confirmed emphatically by the way in which the poet summarises what appears to be a hopeless task - that of pacifying an irate Englishman. Not only does the companion achieve pacification, but he actually inspires the Englishman to thank him. The word "inspires" is perhaps what adds the final touch to the companion's character. When someone is inspired you generally think of a quality emerging from within them which has been drawn out of them by something external, for instance a beautiful painting, music, a fine view. But essentially the beauty is already within the person. This companion therefore has the same ability that a wonderful painting or piece of music does to empower other people to find the good within themselves. After interacting with the companion the Englishman finds within himself the grace to say thank you and smile and shake hands. The companion is therefore, decisive, calm, sensitive, kind, a clear thinker and above all, inspirational. A "leader of men" in the best sense of the phrase. M |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Not bad Dane. Not bad at all. And it's interesting to compare what we thought, especially me thinking that the narrator might be in love with the driver, and you not. But there's more here to discuss. I'm out of time right now but I'll try and post a few thoughts this evening. Meantime I'd like it if you could read through what I wrote and see if you can see why I drew the conclusions I did. Above all look for those IMAGES and look at how they show character. Back later, well done! M |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
M- Thanks you for saying I did an acceptable job. Comparative to your analysis I think mine to be quite superficial. I see how you went nearly line by line. I was trying to summarize. I'm glad we agreed on the Driver - the poet gives great depth to his character by only describing what the character did. It was very simple yet incredible. I will look forward to your next thoughts and work on my approach for the next analysis. Dane |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Let's see then Dane, I suppose I thought that the narrator might be a lover simply because she seems to recall the incident with a certain glowing nostalgia. But I might be reading too much into that. Once thing is for certain, and we agree on it, her reaction in the final strophe shows she admires the driver. In the case of the bicyclist I think you tried a little too hard to speculate on specifics of his life while missing "the obvious". He may or may not be divorced, but we can't extrapolate that bad tempered people are always divorced, otherwise we'd be flooding the family courts with cases! .Anyway I think you went way overboard on the bad temper. I mean the poor guy has just been swiped by a car. If that's ever happened to you on a bike you will know just how frightening it can be, not to mention painful, and potentially life threatening. He had every right to be angry really. I think the important point is that he doesn't handle his anger particularly well. But it's far too much to read into that that he's a "vile man". Moreover, look how quickly he regains his temper. A truly bad person would have refused to be pacified and would have taken delight in calling the police. This illustrates the necessity of reading the WHOLE poem, and not getting hung up on a particular hobby horse. Many is the time I've got to the second strophe of a poem and thought I've got it all worked out, only to revise my views after several more close readings. And as you say, we pretty much agree on the driver. However the important thing in all of this and the point of the exercise is that you see how the poet got across the characters with little pictures. She didn't simply say: "the bicyclist had a terrible temper, but he regained it when my friend who is very calm talked to him". She SHOWED us the scene and let us draw out of it what we could, in the process writing an entertaining and fun poem. ..................... Ok on to the next one now. I'll post the link to it in a few minutes. M |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
This is an excercise in CLOSE OBSERVATION again. This time a bird: its characteristics and environment. Ok here it is: http://lechatestdanslebrouillar.spaces.live.com /default.aspx?_c01_BlogPart=blogentry&_c=BlogPart&handle=cns!4BB18B718BAD1BB!111 This may be tricky for you, especially if you aren't familiar with the sea or sea birds. On the other hand that might be good, because Ted Hughes (of Sylvia Plath fame) is probably one of the best OBSERVERS of the animal world ever, and it will be good to see what a "lay" person can draw from the poem. This particular poem is one of his less well known, but imo is also one of his most underrated. The accuracy and appropriateness of the images and language in this poem are absolutely stunning. For now I would like you to just read it and try to picture what he is seeing, and the nature of the bird he is describing. Listen to the poem. Listen to the sounds of the words and let them sing to you what this bird is all about. DO NOT WORRY IF YOU DON'T "UNDERSTAND" EVERY BIT OF IT. More on all this later. For now just read and read 50 times! Read aloud too - a lot. At least 50 times! Be back tomorrow. Hope the link works. Sleep well. M |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Morning Dane Hope you are bright and refreshed! First of all we're going on a metaphor hunt. Hughes was a master of wildlife metaphor. If you're at all confused about what a metaphor is, or how it can work on several levels perhaps you could let me know, and we'll have a brief discussion about that first. I'll give you a quick example from the poem: "the bird of sickles". Hughes is using the image of a sickle to describe the bird. "Sickles" is a metaphor for the bird. It's a good one, because it works on at least two levels. Even if you don't know what a tern looks like you ought to gather from that metaphor that it is sickle shaped, it's wings sweep back narrowly. Moreover a sickle is thin, a blade; so is a tern. But this metaphor says more. Think about other characteristics of a sickle. It's sharp as a razor, yes? It is designed to cut cleanly and efficiently. It is designed to harvest. By using this metaphor Hughes is starting to imply things about the bird beyond just its looks. This bird is perhaps as ruthless and clean as a razor edge, efficient in the way it behaves and harvests its prey. Ok, I hope you get the idea. Metaphor is a powerful tool in poetry, enabling the poet to say and imply several things at once in a very economical way. It's essential that you become familiar with it. So on with the exercise. Firstly, please can you find as many metaphors as you can in this poem which describe the bird, or parts of the bird. Secondly, please can you find as many metaphors as you can in this poem which describe the bird's movement. Thirdly, please can you find as many metaphors or descriptions as you can in this poem which describe the environment in which the bird exists. Take a couple of days for this if you want Dane, or longer if you are busy. Preferably post them all at once though, to keep the thread manageable. Good luck! M |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Dane I must have been half asleep this morning because another layer of meaning occurred to me this afternoon for the metaphor "sickle". Rather than tell you, when you do your stuff on this poem see if you can pick it up. Hint: The sickle is very like a scythe. In fact the scythe superceded it. M |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Dane Small emergency my end, so if you post tomorrow or the day after I may not get to it instantly. Cheers M |
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