navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » Why I Don't Vote
Critical Analysis #2
Post A Reply Post New Topic Why I Don't Vote Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
UseTheIllusion
Member
since 2006-02-06
Posts 223
In a state of limbo

0 posted 2007-06-28 04:18 PM


Collective jargon bargains offer little in the way of compassion,
This is not a mere chimera composed of schizophrenic imagination,
It is the reality of bipolar opposite amalgam wave refraction…

Blue, red, and the grey in between,
A flag of the multi-colored American dream,
Messy coagulation of the melting pot stew,
Skewed as wildly as the picture the founding Fathers drew,
For hundreds of years we have cherished this right,
To choose or not to, but the futures not looking bright,
Where once stood a behemoth with flames in his eyes,
Now stands a calculating phantom, who will force you to decide,
Between tap water or bottled, when it’s all the same contents,
Different agendas same future, there really is no contest,
And the media fans the flames of political incompetence,
In an effort to tilt the scale and catch a healthy profit.  

Pasty white people in massive air conditioned halls,
Toasting themselves to the size of their balls,
Lawyers by training, they know the law inside and out,
And can manipulate policy through and throughout,
Stalwart proponents of conceptual babble,
As other men fight their wars, they silently cackle.

How can I choose between the left hand and the right?
When each is a can of soup, different labeling disguised,
One offers me security, the other status quo,
When a man becomes a naysayer, where else is there to go?  

© Copyright 2007 UseTheIllusion - All Rights Reserved
JenniferMaxwell
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423

1 posted 2007-06-30 09:44 PM


Impressive write, Illusion, very well thought out and convincingly presented.
Just a couple of phrases that didn’t seem quite as smooth to my ear as all the rest, but that’s probably just me:
“when it’s all the same contents,”
“different labeling disguised”


Essorant
Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada
2 posted 2007-07-01 03:04 PM


I would work on trying to back up your sayings with direct examples from life, and arguments, instead of just saying them.  Show and tell the reader why you are saying such things.  Otherwise it is just an idle drama of attitude.

UseTheIllusion
Member
since 2006-02-06
Posts 223
In a state of limbo
3 posted 2007-07-01 07:04 PM


Thanks for reading and replying Essorant and Jennifer.

Jennifer,

No offense, but I think it's you.

Essorant,

"Otherwise it is just an idle drama of attitude."

Ouch.  That hurt man .  I feel that all of the proof and examples I need were summed up with:

"It is the reality of bipolar opposite amalgam wave refraction…"

(Here's a hint...I live in the United States)  

Although come to think of it, I could elaborate on that idea.  Gives me something to work on.  

Thanks for reading folks.  

UseTheIllusion
Member
since 2006-02-06
Posts 223
In a state of limbo
4 posted 2007-07-03 09:46 PM


New intro.

Collective jargon bargains offer little in the way of compassion,
This is not a mere chimera composed of schizophrenic imagination,
It is the reality of bipolar opposite amalgam wave refraction,
Distractions are the trade of this particular group of phantoms,
Planting random facts and statements in the minds of the populace,
Swaying opinion and satiating the power needs of an elected elite.

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » Why I Don't Vote

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary