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Critical Analysis #2
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Untitled- comments & suggestions for title
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Untitled- comments & suggestions for title |
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jayjara Member
since 2007-05-02
Posts 90Florida |
Irritation from this spec of ash reaching my eye to blind my failure in a monstrous mask. Neoprene stretched across my face, custom fit to leave no hint, no clue, no speculation to where the corpse lays in consternation. Witnesses laid down in moist black tar never to testify or try to erase the bruises and stitches surfacing this mask. Shoveled into furnaces, the numb limbs fuel the beast, igniting it's success to storm idle crooks, leaking ashes of sagacity from it's wounds. -J |
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| © Copyright 2007 Jara - All Rights Reserved | |||
JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
The Neoprene image is really quite haunting. Think that word might work as a title? |
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jayjara Member
since 2007-05-02
Posts 90Florida |
though the mask is important in the poem... I don't want to throw any readers off by suggesting the poem is about neoprene and the mask..but thanks for noticing the fact that the mask is a haunting idea. -J |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
I'm having trouble understanding your poem - my fault, I'm sure. Maybe you could help me out a little with a brief explanation of what it's about? |
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jayjara Member
since 2007-05-02
Posts 90Florida |
No worries. The poem is about failure and success...two abstract ideas portrayed as beasts. 1st- failure strikes; thus resulting in a mask to hide the shame. Failure goes on some sort of rampage, even destroying any witnesses. But then, the witnesses and the shame are thrown into a furnace which fuels the second beast- success 2nd- success "storms idle crooks"...rids of those that succeeded by cheating 3rd- the act of this beast (success) inspires others to take opportunity as well and succeed on their own ("ashes of sagacity") [so maybe one person can make a difference] 4th- the poem just starts all over again...u can't understand the beginning without finishing the poem...because the ashes from line 19 are the same ashes from line 1...basically saying that this character was inspired from some one else who experienced the same "get-back-up-on-the-bike-story" This happens quite often...psychologically and naturally if someone fails they try to succeed...and their achievement is bound to affect even one person.. I hope the explanation was helpful...do not hesitate to criticize or comment, I am open for any debate. Thank you -J |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
Thanks so much for the explanation. Just a couple more questions to help clear things up for me, if you don’t mind. Who is the speaker in the poem represented by the “my” in L2, and why do you think there’s shame in failure if, as you seem to be saying, failure fuels success? |
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jayjara Member
since 2007-05-02
Posts 90Florida |
The character in the poem is just a narrator, could be the author or could be something I experienced. and The shame is sometimes temporary, I'm sure when you've messed up, you get that discouraged moment when you're like "damn it, I screwed up." Unfortunately that moment becomes a very long period of time for some and they will live with their "shame." But for others, like our character in the poem, he/she has that moment when he/she has realized they screwed up and they have to get back up and continue and try again. So failure does fuel success, I don't think people should give up and they should try harder (let the beast out) Sorry for the confusion. Thank you -J |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
Thanks for being so patient and taking time to respond to my questions, J. Drives me nuts when I don’t understand something. You have a good vocabulary and a good grasp on what you want to convey. My only suggestion would be to come out of the dark and say what you have to say in a way that would appeal to more readers. Maybe I’m totally wrong, but when you use the dark terminology of beasts, ashes, masks, etc., aren’t you sort of limiting your work to a certain group of teen readers? Perhaps that's what you want to do? |
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jayjara Member
since 2007-05-02
Posts 90Florida |
Perhaps.. but I am a teen myself Though, I am not really sure about the beasts and mask...Just sorta came up while writing, also I don't usually write dark poetry. But thank you, I appreciate all the comments, lets me know someone is interested. -J -J |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
Enjoyed this poem, J, and look forward to reading more of your work. |
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