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Critical Analysis #2

when 3 chickenheads

dwgpoet
Member

since 2007-03-05

Posts 122
FL, USA

0 posted 2007-05-28 01:48 AM

When 3 chickenheads
rolled into the room uncut.
Characterizations black.

Why do Doris Days
get casted Oscar love scenes.
Darkies get strip shows.

Truth told, chickenheads
often roll for cash, leaving,
headless white flocks home alone;
welfare white! Headless.

ChristianSpeaks
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 396
Iowa, USA

1 posted 2007-05-29 01:43 PM

Yeah - there is a lot here in a very small space. I like it. I'm only not so into the last line of S1. It doesn't translate from what you were trying to say to what the reader reads. But S2 is great....really great.

I'm not crazy about the repetition of headless in the last line. Not needed realy. But overall..quite good.

Dane

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

2 posted 2007-05-29 08:18 PM

agree completely with comment above

solid

-paul

dwgpoet
Member

since 2007-03-05

Posts 122
FL, USA

3 posted 2007-06-13 03:40 AM

Thank You Dane,

and Thank You Paul.

I will edit accordingly,
after more thought.

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