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Come one, come all (and please excuse the pun)
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Come one, come all (and please excuse the pun) |
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CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa Member
since 2003-07-16
Posts 248
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Promiscuity at its greatest Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, Tonight we have spectacular event for you A crossroads of ignorance! Where two fragile minds intercept and the aging innocence is lost beneath the sheets. Come one, come all (and please excuse the pun) but when ignorance is bliss and sexuality is comforting Who is to say they can't do otherwise? Spectacular, Spectacular, Please take your seats, for we're ready to begin, and don't forget to visit our snack bar! These two kids have no idea what they're getting into. A car crash of desires, a chessboard without tactics, a myriad of elements spontaneously combusting. Spectacular. Dare you dream of the possibilities? You were never ready for this. I was never ready for this. Come one, come all (and please excuse the pun) Get ready to witness the loss of happiness, as our stars perform without a net! |
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| © Copyright 2007 Keryn - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I like the voice, I like the situation, but the ending, for some reason, doesn't satisfy. Perhaps it's too direct? |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Beautiful piece of work! I'd look at adding a comma or two for reading rhythm. It is great to my ear but took a couple of out loud reads to get it right. Sound wise, this seems to have it all; assonance, dissonance, consonance. Shift in tone wise? Hey, you're the poet! Best, Jim |
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