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Critical Analysis #2
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Aurelian
Member
since 2007-03-20
Posts 109
TX, USA

0 posted 2007-05-09 05:21 PM


I saw it again in your face, old friend
That look I have seen a few times before
Two weeks along the road and already -
A change to your face and every step

That new bloom of humble love that startled
You as it crept timid across your face
Buckled down into that sweet, sweet harness
And bending shoulder to the marriage yoke

I wish you well - dear friend - the best blessings
From the dry lips of this old bachelor
Be to you and yours and all those prancing
Feet that follow after.

New edit! Thanks, Jim

[This message has been edited by Aurelian (05-10-2007 10:42 PM).]

© Copyright 2007 Joshua R. Tindell - All Rights Reserved
oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA
1 posted 2007-05-09 06:22 PM


Hi!  Jeepers Creepers, I like your work!  The only thing that strikes me wrong is:  

"Two weeks into the deal"

The mercenary connotation seems out of context.

Best, Jim

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