Critical Analysis #2 |
court jester |
rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
The narrow path spirals into darkness A road that wanders into the dawn. Figure and a lute stumble without light Wandering where he will full of song. An orange citrus caught on fire rockets past the moon. Hurrying to not be late for an important tea. And still the traveling minstrel hums his jolly tune. Rising sun is in time; the lone fool goes about his way. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
You have a very good opening stanza and I think this line is great: quote: But, overall, it's far too short. I think you may very well have something here. |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
A suggestion, at your own discretion: Agreed,that it's too short. It doesn't give me that "complete" feeling. Excellent write, but I personally believe 4 more lines would really hit it home. Regards, -Paul |
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