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Critical Analysis #2
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18
Junior Member
since 2007-03-28
Posts 25


0 posted 2007-04-07 05:36 AM



12: 45 clock strikes hail slower per-midnight
Moments grow in slights of sheets crow alone in mockery of you
Open windows unyielding night as it beats across plains
Ice falls upon empty spots under blankets that lost her embrace
Wrinkled lights shade and illuminate pail cascades lain over naked places
Righteous is your life alone
Mistakes timeless grace reap loathsome gazes on chilled plains and empty cascades
Coursing despise traced dauntless templates where her body lay on nights and kept cold at bay
Slept alone under frozen drapes cold in mockery of what you wanted
Warmth was not her so welcome the cold in wait of something with more to offer

© Copyright 2007 18 - All Rights Reserved
rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
1 posted 2007-04-07 04:14 PM


12: 45 clock strikes hail slower per-midnight
(I do not get the hail slower part and how it relates

Moments grow in slights of sheets crow alone in mockery of you
(what do you mean by slights ?

Open windows unyielding night as it beats across plains
(unyield in night? How do windows beat?

Ice falls upon empty spots under blankets that lost her embrace
(Very nice line here. I really like it

Wrinkled lights shade and illuminate pale cascades lain over naked places
(I gather you are talking about landscape or am I wrong?

Righteous is your life alone
(I do not understand how this relates. ??

Mistake'  timeless grace reap loathsome gazes on chilled plains and empty cascades
(Wow, deep,intense. This is a powerful line

Coursing despise traced dauntless templates where her body lay on nights and kept cold at bay
(how do you course despice?


Slept alone under frozen drapes cold in mockery of what you wanted
Warmth was not ?her? so welcome the cold in wait of some
This line I do not get , some who? Also her or here

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