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minus
Member

since 2007-03-24

Posts 75

0 posted 2007-03-30 01:56 AM

today i noticed

purpling in the midst
of this deepening green
new spring of melancholy
torture and release

to sparrow the empty
lost robin melody,
moments betwen
sleep and awake

this is the rest

air roots blossom
in the turn of texture
reintroduced, savored
on tongues of epiphany

who lilac the clearing
of shadow, prune branches
for the fire; listening in
the gardenless eve

i loved her

18
Junior Member

since 2007-03-28

Posts 25

1 posted 2007-03-30 02:11 AM

i think "her" is winter. Yes? i definetly had to re-read it a couple times but thats testimony to a compelled interest.

minus
Member

since 2007-03-24

Posts 75

2 posted 2007-03-30 02:50 AM

no, 'her' is a long story, though she was cold...i like that conclusion. yes, it was inspired by spring.

oceanvu2
Senior Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA

3 posted 2007-03-30 02:07 PM

Good job, but it seems to get a little garbled near the end.

air roots blossom

I don't think air roots blossom.  If you think of the "air roots" of a vanda orchid or a banyan tree, mostly they just hang there and and look brown.

in the turn of texture
reintroduced, savored
on tongues of epiphany

WHO ? lilac the clearing
of shadow, prune branches

Is it who or which?  And do the tongues of epiphany prune branches?

for the fire; listening in
the gardenless eve

Did the garden, referenced throughout, suddenly disappear?

Nicely reminiscent of "April is the cruelest month..." or "Aprille is acoming in, all sing cukoo...  Appropriate, too, since Aprile is acoming in a couple of days and can be enough to drive anyone coo coo.

minus
Member

since 2007-03-24

Posts 75

4 posted 2007-03-31 01:39 AM

hmm...air roots refers to naked tree branches--i had no idea they existed...

tongues of epiphany can prune branches if you allow them to, and if the tongues speak (like, uh, nature), then the appropriate word is 'who'...

the entire poem was inspired by trees with purple blossoms contrasting new green and white...i agree it is a bit garbled at the end, and it is interesting to see how you would read this...

in your opinion, are the liberties i have taken with language:

'who lilac'

completely asinine?

i try to use 'lilac' as a verb in this, and the use of 'who' is deliberate as well...how does that settle with the literate public?

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