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Critical Analysis #2
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Aurelian
Member
since 2007-03-20
Posts 109
TX, USA

0 posted 2007-03-27 09:32 PM


I saw a mayfly rise from a still country pond
And saw it flit away its brief hour of life,
Dropping as a spinner into the mere.

And I wondered if it knew it had life -
Or if “life” had no meaning to it
Just the quick flash of a handful of images.

What’s better I wish I knew,
To be ever goaded by the sense
Of the goose-stepping severer -
Or to catch the ephemeral moment
As it falls, and never ask “to where?”


[This message has been edited by Aurelian (03-28-2007 08:54 AM).]

© Copyright 2007 Joshua R. Tindell - All Rights Reserved
Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
1 posted 2007-03-27 10:44 PM


I thought the first two stanzas to be a light but delightful and even insightful observation. I'm having a harder time relating to the third. I think the first two stand alone.

Pete

oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA
2 posted 2007-03-27 11:23 PM


Neat use of the archaism "mere."  There is a minor change of tense problem, I think, in the first stanza.  "watch" might be "watched."

Jim

minus
Member
since 2007-03-24
Posts 75

3 posted 2007-03-28 01:09 AM


a bit wordy, but delicate in all the right places...what if 'watch' were a noun?
oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA
4 posted 2007-03-29 07:38 PM


Hi Aurelian!  Each time I read this, I love it more.  Good edit.  I have no problem with the third stanza, as suggested elsewhere, and don't see the first two stanzas as being "light."  I see great skill and a meaningful "about-ness."

I had a teacher, long ago, John Williams, who's mantra was "Poetry moves people."  That's where you are working.

Your stuff is so far and above most of what is put up here, I wonder why you are posting, not publishing.

In awe, Jim Aitken  


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