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Critical Analysis #2

Untitled

ken_wertz
New Member

since 2007-03-22

Posts 6

0 posted 2007-03-22 09:21 AM

I had once seen the stream -
shimmering from its bendlets,
met there that brackish pith
of shore, and heard the souls
of its stones, crag-whipped,
brittled and bathing in the
green-gold sun, and saw a
hundred centuries gathered
in a single place.

Unwavering, the wind sends
its morsels away, and back
down, to arrange a new place.

And in the distance an ocean
looms like a timeless martinet,
watching the diligent unraveling
of a siblings charm, wondering
who will outlive the conscience
of a littering society, saying
aloud to the green-gold sun,

"with ignorance should come agony".

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 2007-03-23 04:32 PM

quote:
of a sibling's charm, wondering

?

I like some of the wording here, but I'm not fond of 'littering society'. I don't have any problems if I don't 'get' the poem and if you were to drop that line it might make the poem more ambiguous. This might bother people. At the same time, it allows the poem to be read more as a poem than for the message.

Which way to go here might make for an interesting discussion.

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