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Critical Analysis #2

Shadow Box

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-11-08

Posts 9269
Pennsylvania

0 posted 2007-02-04 06:36 AM

Shadow Box

The sunset sky is blazing red
The flaming sun is hanging low
Black geese across a fiery stage
Glide over ponds of indigo

The world is cut in silhouettes
The evening snipped with scissor eyes
A pair of drifting arrow tips
Engrave illuminated skies

I memorize the symmetry
And loveliness of floating flocks
Small neck stretched fowl like cut-out dolls
Across an autumn shadow box

When through the bright vermillion skies
Long waving wings of regal grace
Define a purpose carved in time
The world becomes a simple place

Elizabeth Santos

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 2007-02-08 10:05 PM

I liked the image, but I'm uncomfortable with the full stop, full stop, enjambed rhythm here.

It seems too repetitive for this piece.

I'd drop the last quatrain, it seems unnecessary and end on 'shadow box'.

And amazingly enough (amazing to me anyway), I actually don't mind the top heavy

"Small neck stretched fowl like cut-out dolls"

I stumbled over it the first time, but the second time it worked well.

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