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Critical Analysis #2
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A Sonnet of Snark
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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A Sonnet of Snark |
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PurpleRain New Member
since 2006-11-06
Posts 3 |
I have a keen taste for irony. Consequently, when I was informed that the reason a particular guy couldn't date me was that I didn't like poetry, I was moved to write a poem about it. This taste for irony also led me to write a sonnet, the form traditionally used for love poems. After writing it, I realised I'd really like to see about cleaning it up enough to be presentable to the general public. So have at it.  *** There’s nothing wrong with me that he can tell I’m pretty, smart, engaging and his friend But dating would not work for us so well Our friendship just was not to take that bend I wondered why this possibly could be If such a lovely personage I am His answer, this: I don’t like poetry To that I say, well, I don’t give a damn! It is the lamest reason I have heard To leave a person sitting in the dark There sometimes just are not sufficient words Instead I must resort to bouts of snark I cannot think of where I ought to start If he can’t love my different tastes for art |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
This is really a rant and not exactly a poem that anyone can crittique to help you fix exactly. My suggestions are though: !. Take out the forced rhyme it is full of that! 2. Rewrite in prose what you want to say and then put it in a poem. (it does not have to be rhyming. 3. Don't capitilize everything as that is confusing. That all I can think of for now. |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
This made me trip: Our friendship just was not to take that bend How about something like: Our friendship simply did not take that bend Just a passing thought |
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emy Junior Member
since 2006-11-04
Posts 32 |
Hi dark purple, sonnets are usually in iambic pentameter,anyway, I'll see what I can do to help(such as it is-I'm a newbie) ======== There’s nothing wrong with me that he can tell oxoxoxoxox I’m pretty, smart, engaging and his friend oxoxoxoxox But dating would not work for us so well oxoxoxoxox Our friendship just was not to take that bend oxoxoxoxox I wondered why this possibly could be oxoxoxoxox If such a lovely personage I am oxoxoxoxox His answer, this: I don’t like poetry oxoxoxoxox To that I say, well, I don’t give a damn! oxoxoxoxox It is the lamest reason I have heard oxoxoxoxox To leave a person sitting in the dark oxoxoxoxox There sometimes just are not sufficient words oxoxoxoxox Instead I must resort to bouts of snark oxoxoxoxox I cannot think of where I ought to start oxoxoxoxox If he can’t love my different tastes for art oxoxoxoxox well so far as I can see it reads like true IP and it's fourteen lines, the rhyme goes ababcdcdefefgg so the rhyming schemes OK. There’s nothing wrong with me that he can tell I’m pretty, smart, engaging and his friend *should think of removing the comma after pretty But dating would not work for us so well Our friendship just was not to take that bend I wondered why this possibly could be If such a lovely personage I am *that line is inverted His answer, this: I don’t like poetry * sounds awkward, it would read more easily if it were: he answered that, or his answer because To that I say, well, I don’t give a damn! *don't think the comma after well is necessary It is the lamest reason I have heard To leave a person sitting in the dark * the above line doesn't make much sense, since so far there is no indication that anyone is left in the dark? There sometimes just are not sufficient words *sounds inverted Instead I must resort to bouts of snark well hope that helps! take care |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
quote: I like this line. It strikes me that it needs a more prominent place. |
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