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Drip Drip
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Drip Drip |
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Abiola Junior Member
since 2006-08-09
Posts 29 |
Tears drip from my eyes down into the sea Don't know how to stop them want to but can't Don't know what to do anymore. I can't stop crying Is it because my life is falling apart? Or am I letting it fall apart? No more the person I used to be Wait!!!!!!!!!! I never was that person I'm lost now I really am Help is what I need But denial is what I do best Hey what can I say? I guess nothing Life is just passing me by But in my eyes the wrong way |
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| © Copyright 2006 abby king - All Rights Reserved | |||
moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Tears drip from my eyes down into the sea Don't know how to stop them want to but can't Don't know what to do anymore. I can't stop crying Is it because my life is falling apart? Or am I letting it fall apart? No more the person I used to be Wait!!!!!!!!!! I never was that person I'm lost now I really am Help is what I need But denial is what I do best Hey what can I say? I guess nothing Life is just passing me by But in my eyes the wrong way .......................................................... The tears that passes down these cheeks are just to let you see what I see I always thought you would have been here to wipe them away but everytime I look at you you let me know you not here You tell me don't worry, everything is going to be okay, that you'll come rescue me but everytime you near you let me know you not here. My tears is what i see, what you see, and what will always be so don't 4get it!!! My tears are here drowning in the ocean Catch them let them be free once again!!!!!!!!!! Don't let them drift away If you do don't worry I know my tears are not important to you... But they will always be My tears!!!!!! 10 lines out of 16 with I me or my in them. Not good for a beginner. What's the 4 for? There is absolutely nothing new about this poem, nothing to interest me at all. Try reading what I just posted to Rhea's poem. Best. M The first poem you posted yesterday the second one a day or two before that. You got one reply to it. Mine. Reproduced above. Clearly you either aren't listening or don't care. Both poems are total introverted self absorbed diary entry rubbish. What bit of that analysis don't you understand? Stop writing. Start reading good contemporary poetry. If you carry on as you have been I can assure you you're wasting your time and the time of others in this forum by continuing to post here. If you want to know what to read, ask me. Did you read my comment on Rhea's poem as I suggested? M |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Oh and one other thing. You've made about 20 posts since you came to PIP and I believe that ALL of them have either been your own poems or else posting comments to your own poems. You own a lot of critiques before I'm going to have anything more to do with helping you. Regards. M |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Abi I am sorry. I was very rude to you in this post and it was unecessary. I allowed myself to get annoyed that you'd posted what I considered to be a very similar poem to your other one, which to be honest I didn't like much. Nevertheless it was very rude of me and I hope you can forgive me. Hugs. Moonbeam |
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Abiola Junior Member
since 2006-08-09
Posts 29 |
WOW ,what is there for me say.... nothing really. You said what you had to say so don't apologize because it don't make sense to but okay I guess. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
quote: And you have the beginnings of a poem. What about tears dripping into your eyes? Just a thought. |
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