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Critical Analysis #2
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Silence of the iambs
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Silence of the iambs |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
The tide has risen, fingers twitch an itchy pen to scrawl their claim to greatness and the world in ten foot letters, high upon the graves of those who whispered to the wind but that was then. Drowned in their shadows are the ones who were, the voices and the words that warmed the world. Gone now those quiet kings those queens of verse, the taste of silence shattered by a wasting world. Now is the dawning of the lesser suns, whose offerings are pipsqueaks mocking seraphim, bedecked in false platitudes and prattled backs in sheep-like airs that beggar awe. Bellow me your verses blow your hollow horns, as my lips bleed from bellowing the same half-hearted ghosts of those who came and wrote before, who earned but never reaped the praise we claim. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Wow! I quite enjoyed this. I'm not a big fan of short lines like this set up -- often see it as a was of sounding profound without, well, being that way. But this works well. Liked the use of pipsqueak and seraphim. Hmmm, looking at some of your word choices and my own in the thing I just posted, are we reading the same things?  |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
This kept me guessing, but it also kept me aware of the story. What does Seraphim mean? Interesting piece of work. |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
A seraphim is one of the Angels spoken about in Revelation. They have wings on their feet, over their eyes, and, of course, those used to fly.In Revelation it says they surround the throne of God. Sometimes you hear a reference to Cherubim and Seraphim... (elipsis - cool) CS |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
Thanks for the replies. quote: Me too Brad, originally this was set out in four line verses but recently I've been playing with line breaks. It stems from a comment Karen made regarding the use of line breaks to try to control the readers pace and emphasis. I'm still not sure which I prefer. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Well, Ihave little to offer in the way of critical review, which the exception of the fact that "that beggar awe" throws me a little. I think it's a great piece of writing. I enjoy the comparison and the sarcasm and the thoughts behind the meaning. Is it accurate? Who knows? The same can be said about a variety of things.....baseball, for example. We can look back at the giants of the game, those who played for the love of the game and we can mock the ten million a year players who show up for contract talks with their agents and sell their autographs. I certainly do....and yet the players of today may actually be far superior to the "legends" of the game in terms of actual ability. With regards to poets and painters, I think we have to determine their levels of "greatness" in futuristic tenses. Look at all of the great poets of the past that were actually unrecognized in their own time. Look at the painters who lived penniless whose paintings now sell for millions. Who knows? Maybe some of the great pretenders your poem refers to will become poetic icons to future generations. Were the "masters" all so great? Good question. We all read Joyce Kilmer in highschool and yet I can assure you that if I were to enter a poetry contest today with a poem that began, "I think that I shall never see a poem as lovely as a tree", the rejection slip would set a new speed record. Personally, I think that the big difference between the the poetic icons of yesteryear and the writers of today mentioned in your piece is the fact that the poetic icons were POETS. That's what they did....they ate, drank, lived and breathed their poetry for the love of the craft. Today we write a poem or two (or a hundred) and say, "Look! We are poets!" Somewhere, perhaps, in a one-room apartment in today's world, sits a man or woman eating and drinking their poetry and spending every free minute of their time creating. THESE are the ones nore likely to be remembered by future generations as poetic giants, in the same way we remember the Poes and Kiplings today. They are certainly much more likely to achieve it than the ones in your poem, banging their own drums and and advertising their own greatness. Love that tongue-in-cheeks sarcasm |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
Can't find much to disagree with in what you say Mike apart from adding the fact that that today the tide has in fact risen - with the increase in leisure time and especially the advent of the internet the shear number of part time poets has increased to such an extent that the new masters are hard to find in the crowd. Added to that is the fact that poetry, despite the increased exposure of modern technology, isn't as popular a medium as it once was. I'll keep scribbling away though, just in case pop music and motion pictures go out of fashion. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
No, it is not as popular. People used to know what poetry was. Now they are told that anything anyone writes can be poetry if the authors wish to call it that. As Ayn Rand said, "The only way to destroy beauty is to enshrine mediocraty and, when people can no longer tell the difference, beauty has been lost forever." Curse those slant rhymes!!!!  |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Poetry saith: It's hard to keep my life and breath when poets freeverse me to death! |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
typical yours. Sir Balladeer even liked it. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Very much so...it's even better the second time around and much more relevant, in light of some recent conversations. I actually like the short lines here. Line length is a great tool to shape the way you want to the reader or go through the piece and I think that fits very nicely here. |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
read three times now, I still consider it as an un-clear poem. truly! |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
By “un-clear” Tom do you mean you personally have no idea what it’s about or that you know what it’s about but found it hard to discern the meaning? Or do you mean it’s generally un-clear to such an extent that nobody can discern the meaning? |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
The meaning. "The tide has risen, fingers twitch an itchy pen to scrawl their claim to greatness and the world in ten foot letters, high upon the graves of those who whispered to the wind but that was then. In the past, the rising tides wrote ten foot high letters to voice the sound of the ocean to live ones but not the dead. You may hate me for asking this, what do you try to express here? I guess that It was not a kind of feeling but there was a THING you try to say. You want to talk about it verse by verse? Sir Grinch? |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
quote: Not really Tom but if I give you the first verse you may get the rest. There are a lot of people who claim to be something they’re not which denigrates or diminishes the name of those who really were but didn‘t shout about it - in this case it’s people claiming to be Poets. |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Oy Grinchele: I can only so much agree! But has this not always been the case? Even dedicated fools like Colley Ciber -- ah, the heck with it! One great satirical inquiry into "poetasters" is "The Sotweed Factor," a novel by John Barth. Unless you have two or more weeks to kill --it is a looong novel -- flip through for the manic, satiric examples of "poetry." As I've suggested in another thread, and continue to stand by, poetry is not a level playing field. Best, Jim |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
Thank you very much, Sir Grinch. You described quite well. |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
Jim, Of course it’s always happened Jim but not on the scale it happens today, this is just a rant from one Dunciad to a whole heap of other unnamed Dunciads. Poet (upper case P)is a title that should be carefully bestowed by others, not claimed by every John, Dick or Harrietta just because they strung a few words together. My name is Grinch and I am a poet (lower case p) - is the abridged version. |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Grinch: Well, one thing hasn't seemed to change much: nobody pays attention to or bothers to read "Poets" or "poets." Maybe it's a function of the Internet. Since everyone can publish drivel anywhere, everybody does. In a small way, it cracks me up that PiP with its very wide range of skill levels, has a lot of surprisingly good work and good writers. And, of course, just as there are few if any great scripts or novels out there waiting to be discovered, there are darned few unsung geniuses among the scribblers on the net. But what does one say? Give it up? Don't do it? Darned if I know. Jim |
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rwood Member Elite
since 2000-02-29
Posts 3793Tennessee |
Clever title. "Drowned in their shadows are the ones who were, the voices and the words that warmed the world. Gone now those quiet kings those queens of verse, the taste of silence shattered by a wasting world" I do share your thoughts and feelings to a degree of appreciation/depreciation of the written word, and how many contemporaries love to "toot their own horn," but too, I'm reminded of the "Libertines," and the Chaucers who loathed much of the courtly traditions and found their voices mocking or rebelling against them, even if they might have felt remorse or feverish for atonement afterwards. Somehow many of the greats became great by not wanting to be so great. "half-hearted ghosts of those who came and wrote before, who earned but never reaped the praise we claim." Very nice ending. I find this true of all arts. Even conversation. Craftsmanship of any sort...suffers new age discoveries and "quiet" deaths for some very sad replacements. I'm happy we still try to see hear & feel for art and maybe it is a mustering, but we must! And you are. regards, reg |
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littledavid Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 75 |
how would you suggest I format something like this ? should i use 'good' grammar or "correct" punctuation! and speling or do that block some of the meaning? Should I consider the universal, or focus on the particular intended target of the message. Should I try to craft it or just listen to the muse? you inspire me...I heard your Muse!!! here it is ---just an example of what I hear...(today that is, just now) Upon the Cross within the cell that which I drew I knew so well,and if you see it dont you tell the horror that I then befell I will not speak the name of what I saw I stood before His flame in awe lakuns flame I wont forget it haunts me nightly in my head I will avenge what they have done They killed another favorite sUn. Discover that the word to it never did discover that the wheel will heal and feel the pain that others who have died in vain have lain will recognize themselves again in lines of poems that do not rhyme that never reached the heart it sought and never fought and lost and died and cried and bled upon the words they read the forces that stay locked inside those words within our head are read until the voice inside exclaims thou never new me where I lain where I was slain the sight beheld in that cell would stay with me in my true hell the cross on which the ghost was I the most felt it was a lie but still I know I must still try but if I breathe my voice will cry until it stops I can not begin Im wailing for it all to end and now anew it will begin! |
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littledavid Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 75 |
P.S. I'll name this poem "Lay not with lions Gentle iambs" thanks for your help Grinch! littledavid |
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littledavid Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 75 |
here's my first attempt. I say this here that you might See I hear the savage family sing voices that I do not know within the skulls of buffalo sio tanka is the way Avenge the Mediocrity and when the people cannot see thats when they're blind Reality is Beauty! Upon the Cross within the cell that which I drew I knew so well, and if you see it don't you tell the horror that I then befell I will not speak the name of what I saw I stood before His flame in awe! Lakuns flame I won't forget it haunts me nightly in my head I will avenge what they have done They killed another favorite sUn. Discover that the word to it never did discover that the wheel will heal and feel the pain that others who have died in vain that they have lain will recognize themselves again in lines of poems that do not rhyme that never reached the heart it sought and never fought and lost and died and cried and bled upon the words they read the forces that stay locked inside those words within our head are read until the voice inside exclaims thou never knew me where I lain where I was slain the sight beheld inside that cell would stay with me in my true hell the cross on which the ghost was I where there I felt it was a lie but still I know I must still try but if I breathe my voice will cry until it stops I can't begin I'm waiting for it all to end and now anew it will begin! Please Help Me! |
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LadyTom Member
since 2008-02-29
Posts 353LA, CA |
Good poets are everywhere. Not only the excavated ones. |
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littledavid Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 75 |
hey I'm sorry, I just hijacked your thread , I'm Sorry!!!i wasn't thinking I should have waited and started my own tommorrow forgive me I know not what i do... |
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littledavid Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 75 |
typo should read 'wailing' not 'waiting' |
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