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Critical Analysis #2
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Complicit Material
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Complicit Material |
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kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
What's that figure in the corner? Who's that stranger on display? Where the darkness forms a river, a labyrinth of writhing snakes. As a tongue in the sky lights the moons of men who've seen the way, all the mouths of the wise howl and cry "this is the start of something awful, this is our folly come to play." From a house on the sea, horizons loom, of a land soon to be set free. All the women will rise from the spume, announce the beach will not be taken-over by a logical decree... Body clothed in silken armour, on the arm of militants tightly pinching breath to censor, constricting love throughout the day. (Inspired by an afternoon's reading Helene Cixous' The Laugh Of The Medusa (republished by Harvester Press, Brighton 1981. 1st edition appeared in L'Arc 1975) Incidentally, my tag-line for this, something I saw a few days ago...Trademark The Arc! [This message has been edited by kif kif (09-21-2006 04:35 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2006 kif kif - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
Whoa Kif- Nice. I like the overall etherial nature of the piece. However, after the clean imagery in the first stanza "Where the darkness forms a river, a labyrinth of writhing snakes." It really seems to loose its punch The use of "loom" and "gloom" don't provide as concrete a visual as is needed. I do like the chiasmic structure. It doesn't impose on the way the piece reads, and gives you a form to work in. - not to sound too literary ignorant - what is the name of the form. Good read CS An artist's job is not to commentate the truth. |
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kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
Thanks Christian Speaks...I've amended the last line (sorry---I won't tamper again until I re-post the whole thing) I'll be back later to absorb what you've said, but already, yes, the 'gloom' is bordering on becoming 'spume', but I'll have to think more about what that would mean...in fact, it's definitely now 'spume'...really, that's the last time I tinker here! Excuse me this time, Christian Speaks...I really should have 'sat on this' for at least a day. It's been jotted in little phrases for only 2 days, so really should be considered as a work in progress...but I'll definitely repost later additions or amendments in a seperate thread. The overall language comes from the content style of The Aztec stories, but could probably be found in every 'prophecy faith' write. (I think I need another 4 line verse after the 2nd stanza.) As for your comment on form, it's derived from a reggae rhythm, by Don A V. producing 'Slaves Blood/No Man Is An Island' Thanks again for the reply. [This message has been edited by kif kif (09-21-2006 04:41 PM).] |
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kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
As you can see from my above post, I had no idea what 'chiasm' meant, and although I was aware of the reflection in structure, it only happened because I didn't want to finish with "by a logical decree" I'm unsure. If it was spoken, there would have to be a gap in between v.2 and 3 for it to sound right to me. |
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kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
I'm thinking of adding another verse as verse 3. It's a bit over the top, though, and already I can see obvious fallacy and triteness. On thinking, I like your idea of the structure C.S. [This message has been edited by kif kif (09-22-2006 08:50 AM).] |
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