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Critical Analysis #2
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Humans
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Humans |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
Born in fire, created by the darkness Plunged in the icy depths, lit up by golden light Fed by greatness, glory, shadow and pain Over possession of, an eternal fight Forged deep within the core of the earth Brought above the greatest heights What a day to behold the grand birth Of our people of Humans. Shaped by great creators Molded by the world Pulled by opposite forces Trying to even out a balance A work of art Pandora’s box Can go both ways We have free will Opened up a different story We shape our own fates Changing constantly our destinies Started a work in progress It was the greatest mistake Yet the most unique gift To form our species Things are no longer in iron control An experiment of all the Gods, Goddesses, spirits, deities A trial of new growth that cannot be taken back You started a whole new beginning with Humans. |
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| © Copyright 2006 rhia_5779 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Rhia, I recommend not posting so quickly one poem after another. Your other new poems are hardly answered at all, and you already send more, without showing much interest in critical analysis of what you wrote and how it is written. |
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kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
I think there's too many 'ingredients' in this, Rhia. It seems you've flung all the ideas you have (many of them cliche) into one thing...it's a mess. You casually talk about 'free will' and 'fate', 'experiments with gods and godessess', and 'iron control' and as a reader I wonder "where did that all come from"? There's no story set-up to make your statements believable, and a story might also make your assumptions palatable. At the moment, I'm going "whaaat?" I think you need to narrow the idea down...describe one or two things in this poem in more detail, and make it less sweeping. Make the reader care, by giving your generic 'humans' a character, perhaps? |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
its sopposed to be complex , humans are a mix of many diff things. humans arent one littel detail. |
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kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
Yes, but in trying to encompass everything, you've missed out the details that make up the whole---kind of like 'you can't see the trees for the wood'. The reader (me) wants something, a character or idea that he or she can follow throughout the poem...by introducing loads of characters and ideas in such a small space has turned this poem into a jumble. Sometimes, the most can be said in the least words. I'd advise not to worry about getting it all in, but rather, what one idea/character could be expanded on to show what's going on, without telling it. You talk of gods, but say nothing of their 'legends', and what they mean within this piece, and just kinda 'fling it in' as an afterthought. Like I said, there's a lot of ideas in this one piece, perhaps enough to make a few poems, but for the reader to 'get lost' within this, there's got to be more clarity and if you're going to use the god's, intent. |
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