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Critical Analysis #2

Spark

amy76
New Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 6

0 posted 2006-07-25 08:19 AM

Hello, this is my first piece I have ever really written, and was wondering what u think of it. If it is actualy poetry, if its decent, and if it is completely horrible please tell me. I would greatly appreciate it if you were as hard on it as you could be. I apologize for my poor spelling.

Two children held so tight
Arms wrapped around waist and neck
Fear rushing through
Unsure of what is to come next

But as they gaze
Far into eachothers eyes
A hungering passion burns
It starts to feel so right

One leans forward
Other pulls away
Immediatly going back
As their soft lips lightly touch

They feel a spark
Setting off a fire deep inside
Unleashing repressed desires
Both have longed so much to release

The fright of moments befor
No longer there
Thier most secret emotions now exposed
Dreams for one another are now known to be true

[This message has been edited by amy76 (07-27-2006 03:01 AM).]

Skippyrick
Member

since 2006-05-16

Posts 150
Rohnert Park

1 posted 2006-07-25 03:40 PM

hi:

For your first poem I'd say you done great., you got your ideas across. your poem is real sweet.

I would sugest frist to spell check is and then rewrite some of the line, read it out load lots of times.

I would also sugest to read lots of poetry, that will help you alot.

Rick

amy76
New Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 6

2 posted 2006-07-25 05:44 PM

thanks alot rick for the feedback. I will try to edit this later, hwen i have more time. Thanks agian

elisalie16
Member

since 2006-07-12

Posts 118
new jersey

3 posted 2006-08-03 08:05 PM

rawr.
sweetheart
i love you.

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