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Critical Analysis #2
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Traveling the scenic route
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Traveling the scenic route |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn 
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Traveling the Scenic Route I’ve never been to the Louvre, but have seen in the night sky a masterwork of swirling purple and violets so rich and dark and deep as to draw one’s soul deep into the myriad crystalline faeries dancing therein. I’ve not seen the horror of war, but have seen the blood flow from a fellow creature, impossibly fast, glinting like liquid ruby and watched, rapt, as the lights in his eyes dimmed, flickered, flared then died. I’ve never visited a cathedral, but once, sitting on a riverbank felt my long-dead grandmother kiss me on the cheek. And brush stray hair from my forehead with the back of her hand then, leave me enveloped in her scent of talc, lilac and baking bread. I’ve never been imprisoned or enslaved, but have known despair so abysmal, that it had an accompanying sound. A Highlander’s mournful pipe, a Bangladeshi’s shrill keening and the Arab woman’s trilling wail are pale representations of that awful song that they hear from within. I’ve never seen Michelangelo’s “Pieta”, but have delighted in exploring the contrasts in a flawless young woman . The swells and valleys, at once, smooth, firm, soft and yielding Flesh as cool as a May morning, yet, as warm as a puppy’s ear. The sweet fragrance of panted exhalations and lower, a nectar of berries and salt marsh. Nor have I taken a meal in a five star restaurant, but have eaten a good stew, good in the sense that love is good. In one bowl, a repast that excited the palette, sated the hunger and nurtured the soul ~ Simply, a perfect meal. ------------------------------------------------ This would seem to be a good one to be critiqued. However, it is not very representative of most of my writing. So have at it. All comments will be welcomed. ~wranx "Writing is a perfectly natural thing to do....just remember to wash your hands afterward"....Heinlein. |
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| © Copyright 2002 E.F.Rose - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Overall, I liked the imagery and style of this- very easygoing. I didn't care for the faerie bit... but that's a topical thing, I'm not a fan of fantasy. I also felt like you took the road more travelled with the ending.... it wasn't very innovative. Drop the safety net and try for something more daring. Hope I've helped. "deeper is life than lose: higher than have |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
hush, You're right. This was my first attempt at this sort of thing and it seemed to me like a "paint by numbers" picture. I since have tried to write from within (though it is hard to expose more than the outermost layers). ~wranx "Writing is a perfectly natural thing to do....just remember to wash your hands afterward"....Heinlein. |
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XOx Uriah xOX Senior Member
since 2006-02-11
Posts 1403Virginia |
My response is as always... ::bows:: |
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Beau de L'air Member
since 2006-08-03
Posts 105Middlesex, England |
What a good, good idea your poem is, though some of it is prose. It's the rhythm you know. Like "I am a stag of seven tines" type Welsh triads. I wonder if you are the "write it and send it" sort of guy(?) since you have written so many. I couldn't possibly produce more than one a week even if I was manic! I revise, and cut, and distil until I get the final essence of the thing. To me writing poetry is like a fragrance which has a top note, subconscious, a middle note, the identity of the poem, but what lingers is the back note, the merest trace of the first draft. Anyway good for you and good for the good idea. There are so few of those around! |
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