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Critical Analysis #2

Pain

loveislove
Member

since 2006-06-25

Posts 59
USA

0 posted 2006-07-23 01:38 PM

Everytime i see you smile
I smile
When I see you cry
I cry
When I see that youre down
I want to help you up
When you're hurting
I want to take away all your pain
Even when all I can do is listen
thats what I want to do
But I dont know what to do
When Im the one hurting you
causing you all this pain
I want to help you
but i know that I cant
How can you talk to someone
when theyre the one thats killing you
but know that when i see you dying inside
I want to be your savior
and if ever you feel that you cant talk to me
please realize that I try to understand
And I'll always be there for you
No matter what you go through

then theres the moment of silence, the eye of the storm, when the whole world collapses, i want to be in your arms

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

1 posted 2006-07-27 11:22 PM

I know what this feels like from the other persons point of view, the one that is hurting and thinking that you won't understand. I sometimes feel that way about my friend and even though I know that she didn't mean to or all she's trying to do is help, it still hurts and from the other point of view, they're trying to understand too. They know you are always there for them.

"being a friend is knowing when to talk them through pain and when to fall back and just pick up the pieces as they fall"

I loved your poem bc I can relate to it.

Great job..

~Heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

2 posted 2006-07-28 12:18 PM

Just because you "can relate to it" doesn't make it a poem. True, you can call damn near anything you want a poem but that still doesn't make it worthy. This amounts to a really nice letter to a friend but I can't find any poetic content.

Sorry but you just need to try a little harder.

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