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Critical Analysis #2
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Woman Fixer
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Woman Fixer |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
I’d love to talk to a troubled woman feminine features blocked by painted armor, womanly guiles crowded by steal girders of absolute solidarity. Speak to her in a way which would remove these hard features replacing those with flowing satin like window dressings blowing in clear day blue waters lone palm trees planted on purpose to give this intended effect. She may say to me, “Look at my heart a crown of thorns turned to a tomb where I can’t escape.” I would thrust my hand ignoring the snares a savior of sorts and caress with the other taking the trouble from the woman. An artist's job is not to commentate the truth. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Dane Barner - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Skippyrick Member
since 2006-05-16
Posts 150Rohnert Park |
Hi: this poem works well untill the last line. It seems too easy? sometimes the last line can be the hardest to write. I konw what you want to say it just seems to me that you could be more dramatic. Just seems to need a little more punch than it has as it stands. other than that I like. rick |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
I agree. I'll work on it. I thought originally that an easy ending would release the resposibility of the previous lines. I'm not sure anymore. I'll think and edit...thanks for the comment. CS If at first you don't succeed than skydiving is definately not for you. |
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aziza Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy! |
“Look at my heart a crown of thorns turned to a tomb where I can’t escape.” I love that -- just love it. I would thrust my hand ignoring the snares a savior of sorts You almost could end your poem right there. Maybe you don't need any more lines. aziza |
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TinaTrivett Senior Member
since 2006-07-15
Posts 569 |
"Speak to her in a way which would remove these hard features replacing those with flowing satin like window dressings blowing in clear day blue waters" This is my favorite line. I think it speaks volumes & addresses maybe a secret wish in a womans heart to have someone soften her. Well done. |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
Everyone- Thank you for the comments. I think that with a little rework this one will be pretty close. I'll try to work on the ending tonight. I appreciate you kind words. CS An artist's job is not to commentate the truth. |
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